Thursday, March 12, 2009

Losing Your Best Friend

My best friend has left me. We were together for 14 years and now she's gone.

As of March 10, 2009, Pyawacet took her final breath and departed. I know this was the best thing for her, no more pain, diarrhea, no more vomiting, but what she left behind is a man with a broken heart. Readers, I don't know how I'm gonna make it thru this. Everywhere I turn, in my house, in my neighborhood, I see her.

No more will I hear her "barking" for breakfast or for dinner. No more will I feel her curl up in my lap and softly purr. No more will I feel the joy of the excitement she created when I walked in the front door.

I told her, before she drew her last breath, not to go into the light, wait for me, because in a blink of her eye, I will be there. In real time on Earth, I told her it would be a couple of years and then I would join her. She, and my dog Gretchen, the 3 of us will walk into the Light together and play like there's gonna be no tomorrow. Which, there won't be. Only today. But still, there's memory of me seeing the Light and being told its not my time yet, that I had something very important to do before I could return. Maybe this is it...

I'm lost. I don't know where to turn, what to do next? I wanted so badly to call into work last night and say I wasn't coming in. Everyone there already knew what I had gone thru the day before. I told 1 person and now all of Chicago knows.

I went to work to go out in the field to "test." I had 2 people that wanted to take the test. 1st 1 was fine. The 2nd 1, not so fine. There was this man that I had just given a life altering sentence to, and all he asked for was a hug. The towel, that he was wearing, slipped off and there I was holding, very tightly, a naked man. Neither of us cared.

As we sat on the couch and talked, he told me that he didn't want to come in because he thought he already knew the answer. But, he had had this dream the night before and I was in it. He said this man looked exactly like me and even spoke with the deep, soothing voice I have. He said it was me soon as he saw me. So he knew his dream was coming true.

This driving force made me go to work. I had no idea, until I told this guy he was "positive!" Then I was quite certain why I had to come into work. Just to be there for this man. And I'll be there again for him on Friday where I will see him at the office.

When I started this, it was this morning. Since then I have seen the eye doc and my therapist. I didn't know I had it in me to make a therapist cry, but I did. She asked me if it was in Pyawacet's best interest to keep her earth bound? I guess not.

As soon as I got home, I fired up my Shaman drum to help her on her way. While I was drumming, a blasted cat jumped on the bed and then walked over to me and nudged the drum. My hand moved with it. I opened my eyes and there was no cat. Nothing. I knew then it was Py saying goodbye.This makes twice I've had to say goodbye. Before she left, she left me know that, when it was my time, she'll be back to walk me home! Goddess, be with my girl, I'll be there soon.

I love you Pyawacet!

Peace