In a heartbeat, the pulsating color of autumn, that would brighten even the dimmest space, disappeared in a whirl wind that Jack Frost, himself, created. One blow from his frosty mouth, the leaves whirled in a funnel as if heading toward Oz, and in a wink, they disappeared into the sky.
Left in Jack's wake, was a brownish marsh, where once flowers dwelt, and beautiful leaves gathered. The ground, beneath your feet, feels like granite, frozen in the deadly sleep of winter. The Lake crashes angrily against her shore. 3, 4 foot swells lashing out at the rocks that outline the beach. Snow pouring from the heavens, with the harshest of winds behind it.
But, in the middle of this, we pause. We take a breath, and smile at strangers. This is my favorite time of year. You walk outdoors, even tho it is bitter cold, you smell the fire, lit with love, in someone's fireplace.
Bells jingling, people singing. Specials on TV. Wondering what you're going to make for the Christmas/Yule feasts. Secrets. Presents being bought. Boxes carefully being wrapped. Trees strung with all kinds of lights. Some blink, chase, or remain still. Yours, with all of the above?
Are you an all year shopper of gifts? Or, are you, at the last minute kinda person? Me, I like the rush of starting and concluding on Christmas Eve. The frenzy of the crowd. Controlled chaos is the way I see it. Luckily, everything I've needed, I find. But still, it's the last chance you can enjoy this time before it winks out for another year.
Presents are opened the next day. Our bellies filled. And, in one week, we usher in a new year. Bellies full again. Then nothing! 5 to 6 more months of bone chilling winter. (That last declarative statement sounded harsh!)
Instead of returning to our winter gruff, couldn't we all keep the image of that tree with all different colored lights on it, the presents, laughter, kissing your true love under the mistletoe, turkey with its dressing, cranberries, roasted pig, glasses tinkling, toasts and promises being made, forgiving those that have harmed us, and most all, remembering the love we have given and received over the year? And please, don't leave out the jolly old Elf himself. A wonderful warm image to replay when winter is at his worst!
And on that note, I hope to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Happy Hanukkah, Joy Noel, Happy Yuletide, and Happy Winter Solstice. Stay warm, stay safe, stay loved!
Blessed Be!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
SNOWING?
Well, you heard it here 1st. Its snowing outside. This morning, I got up, expecting to see a blanket of white covering everything that remains still outside, only to be disappointed by the ugliness of the rain soaked swill.
As the day wanes on, the clouds grew darker and the snow started falling. Funny thing is, yesterday, in a place I used to dream about snow happening, Dallas, happened. They got a couple of inches and are expecting 6 more by tomorrow. Can ya' believe it? Snow in Dallas?
This brings to mind that summer is over, and fall is giving way to winter. ARG!!! Man, the beautiful colors this fall gave way to was unimaginable. And, I'm sure its going to be a knock out winter, too. As long as I stay vertical, all will be well in the world. But, soon as the legs go flying and the ass hits the ground, writing about this wonderland full of icicles and snow will turn hateful and ugly. LOL
Last night I was walking Mr. H and the clouds were giving way to a full moon evening, with a ring around it. Something is coming. If its snow, Harley will go nutts. I have never seen a dog love snow as much as this mutt does. New snow that is. The frozen stuff, he whimpers and won't go in it. I don't blame him, but if I whimpered every time I got cold, I'd spend 9 months out of the year, here in Chicago, whining! But, that's a whole nother story.
So, with the coming of snow, it's telling me that the good time is over for a few months. Winter is on and it's time to bar the doors, close the windows, pull the drapes to, and hang a sign out front that reads, 'Closed Due To Mother Nature's Slumber!' Sleep tight all...
Peace and Blessed Be!
As the day wanes on, the clouds grew darker and the snow started falling. Funny thing is, yesterday, in a place I used to dream about snow happening, Dallas, happened. They got a couple of inches and are expecting 6 more by tomorrow. Can ya' believe it? Snow in Dallas?
This brings to mind that summer is over, and fall is giving way to winter. ARG!!! Man, the beautiful colors this fall gave way to was unimaginable. And, I'm sure its going to be a knock out winter, too. As long as I stay vertical, all will be well in the world. But, soon as the legs go flying and the ass hits the ground, writing about this wonderland full of icicles and snow will turn hateful and ugly. LOL
Last night I was walking Mr. H and the clouds were giving way to a full moon evening, with a ring around it. Something is coming. If its snow, Harley will go nutts. I have never seen a dog love snow as much as this mutt does. New snow that is. The frozen stuff, he whimpers and won't go in it. I don't blame him, but if I whimpered every time I got cold, I'd spend 9 months out of the year, here in Chicago, whining! But, that's a whole nother story.
So, with the coming of snow, it's telling me that the good time is over for a few months. Winter is on and it's time to bar the doors, close the windows, pull the drapes to, and hang a sign out front that reads, 'Closed Due To Mother Nature's Slumber!' Sleep tight all...
Peace and Blessed Be!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Fall Is Here!
Yes, you read the title correctly. Fall is upon us. For a month, it looked like we went str8 from summer to winter. But, Mother Nature had something else in mind for us, here in Chicago.
I was walking, I believe a week ago, to the Lake from my house. Leaves from a particular tree had turned an olive green and with the breeze, gently blowing, the leaves were effortlessly floating from its branches and collecting on the ground below. It was like walking thru a snowfall, but I wasn't getting wet.
Today, after straightening up the house, I went to walk Harley and noticed a tree from my back deck that was doing the same thing. But, these leaves were a vibrant yellow. I walked the dog and when I got returned to my back porch, Harley and I sat there for maybe half an hour watching the breeze carry leaves to their final resting place. So peaceful and tranquil was the picture. With the EL softly rolling on its tracts in the back ground, it was an amazing scene to watch.
The temps, in the day, are a warm 55'ish, but at night, we are dipping below the freezing mark. We are all getting ready for winter. "Hunkering down," they call it. I'm wanting to clean my room and the rest of the house so that when we close everything up, we don't suffocate in dust. So far, I just don't have the energy.
Do you know how I know fall is here? I came down with my semi-annual sinus infection. A friend told me that you can get rid of those things without the aid of a doctor. Not wanting to see my doctor anyway, I took her advice. The color that was coming out of me was clear, then yellow, and then clear again. I was beating it. WRONG!
I went 3 weeks of sleeping, sitting up, until my San Francisco trip was within my grasp. I finally called the doc and told her my symptoms, and that they had 10 days to get me up out of bed and pretty again. Barrett made me come in. They gave me the once over and prescribed 875 mgs a tab, 2 tabs twice daily, of penicillin. I swear I glowed in the dark. I joked with friends, 'If you have a STI, come sit next to me. Through osmosis I can cure it!' And, San Francisco was a blast. I made it.
Half way through my flight home, I started coughing. I couldn't breathe in the plane. The heater was turned on. Not wanting anyone to think I had the "pig flu," I tried my best to silence it. My sinus infection had turned into bronchitis. Got home on Monday, by Thursday I had called the doc again telling them what was going on! They put me on a Z-Pak. Another kind of penicillin.
The big deal about that antibiotic is that in the past, I became allergic to it. But, upon recollection, I only became allergic when my mom had introduced me to a guy that claimed he could cure AIDS. The drugs he gave me, not only emptied my wallet, but made me react to penicillin and strawberries. I left the guy and within a month I was able to eat strawberries again, not even thinking the allergy to an antibiotic had vanished too. But still, bless my mom for trying to get rid of this thing inside me.
I've gone for years thinking I was allergic to penicillin, and that's not the case any longer. It just opened up a whole different class of antibiotics that, in the past, I couldn't use. 1 Z-Pak later, I think we kicked the bronchitis thing. I still feel weak and not quite myself, but the leader of the "table" told me last evening, that the 'old Bear' was back and not the sick one. I didn't know there was 2 residing inside of me. Apparently, there is.
So, back to fall. The sun is now setting at 4:26, since we turned back the clocks. By the time I get off work today at 4, ride the EL home, it will be dark. OUCH! But, you gotta love this time of year. Football, hot chocolate with marshmallows, my mom's Pie-Cake with milk chocolate drizzled over it. Crock pots cooking something delicious while you're at work. Trick or treating, parades down N. Halsted St. And, hoodies!
May this time of year last forever and by-pass the bitter cold. By-pass it right up until spring. Anyone with half a mind knows this is only a dream. A dream that is laced with icigles, snow, Christmas, and dreary days. Here's 1 last toast to autumn. May she sleep well, with all hope of a warm tomorrow, abandoned.
Peace and Blessed Be!
I was walking, I believe a week ago, to the Lake from my house. Leaves from a particular tree had turned an olive green and with the breeze, gently blowing, the leaves were effortlessly floating from its branches and collecting on the ground below. It was like walking thru a snowfall, but I wasn't getting wet.
Today, after straightening up the house, I went to walk Harley and noticed a tree from my back deck that was doing the same thing. But, these leaves were a vibrant yellow. I walked the dog and when I got returned to my back porch, Harley and I sat there for maybe half an hour watching the breeze carry leaves to their final resting place. So peaceful and tranquil was the picture. With the EL softly rolling on its tracts in the back ground, it was an amazing scene to watch.
The temps, in the day, are a warm 55'ish, but at night, we are dipping below the freezing mark. We are all getting ready for winter. "Hunkering down," they call it. I'm wanting to clean my room and the rest of the house so that when we close everything up, we don't suffocate in dust. So far, I just don't have the energy.
Do you know how I know fall is here? I came down with my semi-annual sinus infection. A friend told me that you can get rid of those things without the aid of a doctor. Not wanting to see my doctor anyway, I took her advice. The color that was coming out of me was clear, then yellow, and then clear again. I was beating it. WRONG!
I went 3 weeks of sleeping, sitting up, until my San Francisco trip was within my grasp. I finally called the doc and told her my symptoms, and that they had 10 days to get me up out of bed and pretty again. Barrett made me come in. They gave me the once over and prescribed 875 mgs a tab, 2 tabs twice daily, of penicillin. I swear I glowed in the dark. I joked with friends, 'If you have a STI, come sit next to me. Through osmosis I can cure it!' And, San Francisco was a blast. I made it.
Half way through my flight home, I started coughing. I couldn't breathe in the plane. The heater was turned on. Not wanting anyone to think I had the "pig flu," I tried my best to silence it. My sinus infection had turned into bronchitis. Got home on Monday, by Thursday I had called the doc again telling them what was going on! They put me on a Z-Pak. Another kind of penicillin.
The big deal about that antibiotic is that in the past, I became allergic to it. But, upon recollection, I only became allergic when my mom had introduced me to a guy that claimed he could cure AIDS. The drugs he gave me, not only emptied my wallet, but made me react to penicillin and strawberries. I left the guy and within a month I was able to eat strawberries again, not even thinking the allergy to an antibiotic had vanished too. But still, bless my mom for trying to get rid of this thing inside me.
I've gone for years thinking I was allergic to penicillin, and that's not the case any longer. It just opened up a whole different class of antibiotics that, in the past, I couldn't use. 1 Z-Pak later, I think we kicked the bronchitis thing. I still feel weak and not quite myself, but the leader of the "table" told me last evening, that the 'old Bear' was back and not the sick one. I didn't know there was 2 residing inside of me. Apparently, there is.
So, back to fall. The sun is now setting at 4:26, since we turned back the clocks. By the time I get off work today at 4, ride the EL home, it will be dark. OUCH! But, you gotta love this time of year. Football, hot chocolate with marshmallows, my mom's Pie-Cake with milk chocolate drizzled over it. Crock pots cooking something delicious while you're at work. Trick or treating, parades down N. Halsted St. And, hoodies!
May this time of year last forever and by-pass the bitter cold. By-pass it right up until spring. Anyone with half a mind knows this is only a dream. A dream that is laced with icigles, snow, Christmas, and dreary days. Here's 1 last toast to autumn. May she sleep well, with all hope of a warm tomorrow, abandoned.
Peace and Blessed Be!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Sinus, What?
Since I can remember, I have been plagued with sinus infections. Once in the fall and then again in the spring. This year's hit me while I was not on guard. Usually I ingest raw honey made from the region. One tablespoon full, once a day, till the jar is gone, and you're done. It licks it before it can even begin.
Smart man here, heard that you can beat a sinus infection all on your own. SURPRISE! It's not true. Once that thing has got a hold of you, it will not let you go until you can't go on. Doc gave me a lot of penicillin, and today, I'm good to go. 875 milligrams a tab, 2 tabs twice daily for 10 days!
Which brings me to the issue at hand. The last week or so, I've got in my head that I was dying, again. Made arrangements with a neighbor to take care of Ron when I go. Arrangements for the cats and dog, that I should not be hooked up to machines to keep me going, and what to do with my ashes.
For those that don't know, I've already died once and was sent back. I really want to return. Peace, love, and no pain. No memories of the past, no fears of the future? Sign me up. But, it doesn't happen. I sit here, get very sick, and then I get better. Why do I get better? Why can't I just let go? Why won't they come back for me? Is anyone listening???
This is what happened to me that night in Oct, right after Sept. 11th, 2001...
I got very sick. My temperature fluctuated from 102 to 103. Tylenol was bringing it down to 101, but shortly it would return. That means, to the doc or hospital I'm bound. The doc recommended the hospital, so off Ron and I went.
By this time, I was so tired, my head was pounding, every muscle in my body was aching so bad it hurt to move. I was admitted immediately after a spinal tap, with Viral, Spinal Meningitis. Meningitis? Where the hell did I get that?
I was in the care of Medical City Hospital where I'm on a 1st name basis with all the doctors and nurses that practice medicine there. I was in for about 3 to 4 days until they released me. When I returned home, blankets had to be put over my bedroom window, TV had to be turned down to where only Gretchen could here it. To tell you how bad I hurt, I had a remote to the TV just out of my reach on the bed. I was in so much pain that I couldn't stretch out and grab the dang thing to change the channels. I laid there for hours with a BORING kennel show on the tube until my best friend and 2nd in command over my estate came over. 1st thing out of his mouth was, 'Is there anything I can do or get for you? I quickly screamed at him, "Turn the damn channel!' He chuckled and handed me the remote. At last, no more dogs!!!
Later that evening Ron came home. He fed me, watered me like the dogs I had been listening to all day, gave me a couple of pain killers that felt like baby aspirin, and tucked me in for the night. He crawled in next to me and then it started; that horrible snoring of his. 'Like a battleship coming into port. The sound that was coming out of his mouth was excruciating. It hurt everything and every part of me. I gently shook him awake and told him to get the hell out! I explained to him, grumpily, that the sound that omitted from his mouth was killing me. He quickly left the room and as I heard him lightly start to snore from the guest bedroom that's when it happened. LIGHTS OUT!
I was traveling down a long, black tunnel. I arrived to be standing on a black column, in a dense forest. Around the column was a "crop circle" cut into the trees that outlined the platform. In the distance I could hear a train softly rolling on its tracks. Funny, there's no trains or tracks in Las Colinas where we lived. But, alas, the sound was still there. I was very tired, so I laid down on the column and curled up in the fetal position. But, the sound remained. And, it grew louder.
Just so that you know, that was 2001, long before I moved to Chicago. Long before I had ever heard of the EL, much less experienced it! As the train sound grew louder, sleepily, I stood up from the platform to see what the hell was coming at me. The sound grew louder and louder, almost deafening, and then as this black ship sort of thing whooshed past me, it stopped about 50 feet from the column. I can still feel the air it created blowing through my hair as if I'm standing too close on the platform when the EL arrives.
The ship/engine looked like the Land Cruiser of the Jawas from the original Star Wars. WOW! Being the curious/nosey person I am, I had to see what it was. I jumped down, I think maybe 10 feet to the ground to investigate. There were turnstiles, just like Six Flags over Texas leading up to this gargantuan, black engine. The door was open to it, but it was being guarded by 2 people. 1 was a lovely woman with long, blond hair that seemed to shine like diamonds in the light. Man, she was gorgeous. She definitely put my sexual orientation into question. That question was answered by her partner that was standing beside her. My Goddess, he was gorgeous too. GAYDAR went off. Flashing red lights and horns blowing. Gay! But, he remained silent the whole time.
In my pagan up bringing, we believe that we are born with 2 Spirit Guides. They appear to us as children and grow up as we grow. She told me her name was Hannah and his was Daniel. How biblical! When she spoke, I noticed that her mouth never moved, but I heard every word she had to say. She said, 'We have something to show you.' I explained to her that I wanted to go home and get my partner Ron. She said there wasn't enough time and plus, this was just for me.
I stepped into the ship, with them, and all I remember was the color red. It was on the walls, floors, and ceilings. The door closed behind me. No fear. You know, I've felt being loved before. My mother loves me, my dad, my partner, and all my friends. But, I have never experienced love on this scale, ever! It was all around me. It was an entity all of its own. You breathed it in, you exhaled it. It was in every cell of my body. And as the ship took off, I noticed through the windows that we were no longer on the ground, or on earth for that matter. We were in space within seconds.
In this red room, off to the left, from the front door, were all these people standing there, smiling like they knew me. Only thing different about them was they only existed from the waist up. None of them had legs. So, I guess the word 'standing' was incorrect. Hovering is more like it. I also noticed that all the pain I was in, was no longer with me. The pain from meningitis, and from HIV was gone. All of it.
I saw planets, and yes Saturn has multi-colored rings around it. I saw other moons, other solar systems, plenty of stars, and then there was nothing. We were in a void in space. Darkness. Nothingness. A black hole. But, in this darkness, this void where time had no meaning, there was a light. A giant, all consuming light, brighter than any sun I had just encountered. And, it didn't hurt to look into it, like our own sun does. It was beautiful. The kicker is, It knows your name and calls you. Talk about a black hole? It pulls you in.
I turned to Hannah and asked if I could go and see It. She laughed and said no. She said I was brought out there to arrest my fears of dying. She also said it wasn't my time yet, it was theirs, as she pointed to the figures with no legs. 'That I had something very important to do on earth before I could return. I asked her what that was. She smiled and told me it wasn't up to her to tell me what it was, but which ever road I took, be it the long way around It or straight to It, I would find It. Being hot headed as I am, I blew! 'You mean to tell me you drug me out here in the middle of bum fuck, showed me a light, won't let me go to it, something important to do on earth, won't tell me what it is, and all you can do is stand there and smile at me??? What kinda nonsense is this?' She remained smiling at me, even tho I was cussing up a blue streak, and not too happy. But, the warmth and love of her smile defused me and calmed me down.
Out there in the middle of nothing, I finally realized I hadn't been breathing. Upon that realization, I needed air. I couldn't breathe. I was going to die if I didn't have air. Joke was on me, I was already dead. Hannah put her lovely hand on the wall to my right and a door opened. Inside this very small room was a flat console with a chair in front of it. A window was above the console. The flatness, in front of me, started to take shape as I sat down. As it grew out, it also grew up. Hannah told me she would see me again, soon. And with that the door closed and the mask that appeared from the console attached itself to my face. I thought of the film, Alien, at 1st. But, the mask had air in it. And then darkness fell around me again for the 2nd time.
I was back in the tunnel, and then I felt my bed beneath me. And no pain. Gradually, from a distance, the pain started catching up to me like a long lost friend. Gradually at 1st, then BOOM, full blasted pain. I think I hurt even more this time than before. I laid there thinking about what had just happened to me. 'What was her name,' I kept asking myself? To remember it, I actually thought of all the female cast members to Steel Magnolias. How gay! Dolly Parton. No. Olympia Dukacus. No. Sally Field. No again. Shirley McClain. Still no. Remember, remember. Daryl Hannah. That's it! HANNAH! And then upon remembering it, I'd forget it again. I would recite the entire cast again, before remembering Daryl Hannah. This went on for the rest of the night.
I couldn't wait for Ron to wake up so I could tell him that I died and came back. This is what's waiting for me. Hell, this is what's waiting for all of us, eventually. So, most of the time, when I get sick, I mean very sick, I get scared. But then I start thinking about that faithful night, and between It, and some very good friends, they usually can talk me down, out of the metaphorical tree I'm in!
I was told, also by Hannah, to repeat this story to everyone that I can. She also said some people will deny that I had the experience and others will think I'm a lunatic. But, for some, It will be a story of hope. That's what It is for me. Hope in an everlasting light and life.
I sit on my back porch at anytime of the day when I want to escape. I can hear in the distance the sound of the EL, coming and going from the Morse stop up the street. As you can imagine, that sound is a comfort to me. Its a signal that 1 day they would return to me and take me home. Funny, you never go home, home comes to you!
Well, I guess its time for me to wrap things up and call it a day. This is how I've spent my down time at work today. LOL
Blessed Be!
Smart man here, heard that you can beat a sinus infection all on your own. SURPRISE! It's not true. Once that thing has got a hold of you, it will not let you go until you can't go on. Doc gave me a lot of penicillin, and today, I'm good to go. 875 milligrams a tab, 2 tabs twice daily for 10 days!
Which brings me to the issue at hand. The last week or so, I've got in my head that I was dying, again. Made arrangements with a neighbor to take care of Ron when I go. Arrangements for the cats and dog, that I should not be hooked up to machines to keep me going, and what to do with my ashes.
For those that don't know, I've already died once and was sent back. I really want to return. Peace, love, and no pain. No memories of the past, no fears of the future? Sign me up. But, it doesn't happen. I sit here, get very sick, and then I get better. Why do I get better? Why can't I just let go? Why won't they come back for me? Is anyone listening???
This is what happened to me that night in Oct, right after Sept. 11th, 2001...
I got very sick. My temperature fluctuated from 102 to 103. Tylenol was bringing it down to 101, but shortly it would return. That means, to the doc or hospital I'm bound. The doc recommended the hospital, so off Ron and I went.
By this time, I was so tired, my head was pounding, every muscle in my body was aching so bad it hurt to move. I was admitted immediately after a spinal tap, with Viral, Spinal Meningitis. Meningitis? Where the hell did I get that?
I was in the care of Medical City Hospital where I'm on a 1st name basis with all the doctors and nurses that practice medicine there. I was in for about 3 to 4 days until they released me. When I returned home, blankets had to be put over my bedroom window, TV had to be turned down to where only Gretchen could here it.
Later that evening Ron came home. He fed me, watered me like the dogs I had been listening to all day, gave me a couple of pain killers that felt like baby aspirin, and tucked me in for the night. He crawled in next to me and then it started; that horrible snoring of his. 'Like a battleship coming into port. The sound that was coming out of his mouth was excruciating. It hurt everything and every part of me. I gently shook him awake and told him to get the hell out! I explained to him, grumpily, that the sound that omitted from his mouth was killing me. He quickly left the room and as I heard him lightly start to snore from the guest bedroom that's when it happened. LIGHTS OUT!
I was traveling down a long, black tunnel. I arrived to be standing on a black column, in a dense forest. Around the column was a "crop circle" cut into the trees that outlined the platform. In the distance I could hear a train softly rolling on its tracks. Funny, there's no trains or tracks in Las Colinas where we lived. But, alas, the sound was still there. I was very tired, so I laid down on the column and curled up in the fetal position. But, the sound remained. And, it grew louder.
Just so that you know, that was 2001, long before I moved to Chicago. Long before I had ever heard of the EL, much less experienced it! As the train sound grew louder, sleepily, I stood up from the platform to see what the hell was coming at me. The sound grew louder and louder, almost deafening, and then as this black ship sort of thing whooshed past me, it stopped about 50 feet from the column. I can still feel the air it created blowing through my hair as if I'm standing too close on the platform when the EL arrives.
The ship/engine looked like the Land Cruiser of the Jawas from the original Star Wars. WOW! Being the curious/nosey person I am, I had to see what it was. I jumped down, I think maybe 10 feet to the ground to investigate. There were turnstiles, just like Six Flags over Texas leading up to this gargantuan, black engine. The door was open to it, but it was being guarded by 2 people. 1 was a lovely woman with long, blond hair that seemed to shine like diamonds in the light. Man, she was gorgeous. She definitely put my sexual orientation into question. That question was answered by her partner that was standing beside her. My Goddess, he was gorgeous too. GAYDAR went off. Flashing red lights and horns blowing. Gay! But, he remained silent the whole time.
In my pagan up bringing, we believe that we are born with 2 Spirit Guides. They appear to us as children and grow up as we grow. She told me her name was Hannah and his was Daniel. How biblical! When she spoke, I noticed that her mouth never moved, but I heard every word she had to say. She said, 'We have something to show you.' I explained to her that I wanted to go home and get my partner Ron. She said there wasn't enough time and plus, this was just for me.
I stepped into the ship, with them, and all I remember was the color red. It was on the walls, floors, and ceilings. The door closed behind me. No fear. You know, I've felt being loved before. My mother loves me, my dad, my partner, and all my friends. But, I have never experienced love on this scale, ever! It was all around me. It was an entity all of its own. You breathed it in, you exhaled it. It was in every cell of my body. And as the ship took off, I noticed through the windows that we were no longer on the ground, or on earth for that matter. We were in space within seconds.
In this red room, off to the left, from the front door, were all these people standing there, smiling like they knew me. Only thing different about them was they only existed from the waist up. None of them had legs. So, I guess the word 'standing' was incorrect. Hovering is more like it. I also noticed that all the pain I was in, was no longer with me. The pain from meningitis, and from HIV was gone. All of it.
I saw planets, and yes Saturn has multi-colored rings around it. I saw other moons, other solar systems, plenty of stars, and then there was nothing. We were in a void in space. Darkness. Nothingness. A black hole. But, in this darkness, this void where time had no meaning, there was a light. A giant, all consuming light, brighter than any sun I had just encountered. And, it didn't hurt to look into it, like our own sun does. It was beautiful. The kicker is, It knows your name and calls you. Talk about a black hole? It pulls you in.
I turned to Hannah and asked if I could go and see It. She laughed and said no. She said I was brought out there to arrest my fears of dying. She also said it wasn't my time yet, it was theirs, as she pointed to the figures with no legs. 'That I had something very important to do on earth before I could return. I asked her what that was. She smiled and told me it wasn't up to her to tell me what it was, but which ever road I took, be it the long way around It or straight to It, I would find It. Being hot headed as I am, I blew! 'You mean to tell me you drug me out here in the middle of bum fuck, showed me a light, won't let me go to it, something important to do on earth, won't tell me what it is, and all you can do is stand there and smile at me??? What kinda nonsense is this?' She remained smiling at me, even tho I was cussing up a blue streak, and not too happy. But, the warmth and love of her smile defused me and calmed me down.
Out there in the middle of nothing, I finally realized I hadn't been breathing. Upon that realization, I needed air. I couldn't breathe. I was going to die if I didn't have air. Joke was on me, I was already dead. Hannah put her lovely hand on the wall to my right and a door opened. Inside this very small room was a flat console with a chair in front of it. A window was above the console. The flatness, in front of me, started to take shape as I sat down. As it grew out, it also grew up. Hannah told me she would see me again, soon. And with that the door closed and the mask that appeared from the console attached itself to my face. I thought of the film, Alien, at 1st. But, the mask had air in it. And then darkness fell around me again for the 2nd time.
I was back in the tunnel, and then I felt my bed beneath me. And no pain. Gradually, from a distance, the pain started catching up to me like a long lost friend. Gradually at 1st, then BOOM, full blasted pain. I think I hurt even more this time than before. I laid there thinking about what had just happened to me. 'What was her name,' I kept asking myself? To remember it, I actually thought of all the female cast members to Steel Magnolias. How gay! Dolly Parton. No. Olympia Dukacus. No. Sally Field. No again. Shirley McClain. Still no. Remember, remember. Daryl Hannah. That's it! HANNAH! And then upon remembering it, I'd forget it again. I would recite the entire cast again, before remembering Daryl Hannah. This went on for the rest of the night.
I couldn't wait for Ron to wake up so I could tell him that I died and came back. This is what's waiting for me. Hell, this is what's waiting for all of us, eventually. So, most of the time, when I get sick, I mean very sick, I get scared. But then I start thinking about that faithful night, and between It, and some very good friends, they usually can talk me down, out of the metaphorical tree I'm in!
I was told, also by Hannah, to repeat this story to everyone that I can. She also said some people will deny that I had the experience and others will think I'm a lunatic. But, for some, It will be a story of hope. That's what It is for me. Hope in an everlasting light and life.
I sit on my back porch at anytime of the day when I want to escape. I can hear in the distance the sound of the EL, coming and going from the Morse stop up the street. As you can imagine, that sound is a comfort to me. Its a signal that 1 day they would return to me and take me home. Funny, you never go home, home comes to you!
Well, I guess its time for me to wrap things up and call it a day. This is how I've spent my down time at work today. LOL
Blessed Be!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
COLD!
Well, here we are with the taste of summer still lingering in our minds, replaced with visions of freezing temps, coats, scarves, warm socks, hoodies, long sleeves, flannel, wool, beanies, mittens, gloves, and leather. How cruel Mother Nature can be when she puts her mind to it.
Today has been raining on and off, fighting like hell a sinus infection I probably picked up on the EL. Tomorrow, being Friday, more of the same in the morning, but rain will cease in the afternoon. Clouds will remain, says forecasters. And I, like a jackass, will go to work and act like nothing's wrong with me. But, I'm not contagious!
Saturday' s low is going to be 30 degrees. 30 DEGREES IN OCTOBER??? What is this place, Siberia? What the hell did I sign up for when I did it on the dotted line? I thought, Chicago...
Chicago, a land of opportunity. A place where you can be who ever you want to be. Be, anything you want. Sun always shining! (Like hell!) I have become something I would have never dreamed about, in Dallas. Member of the Board of Directors, maybe, at the place I call "my home away from home." 2 Leather titles, and 1 more in the making. Most of all, Ron and I are back together!
He still gets on my last nerve. Talking thru my favorite TV show. Snoring at the top of his lungs when you don't feel good and even when you do. But, no relationship is perfect. I do know that he will be there if anything should go terribly wrong with my health. More than I can say for the rest of the doofusses I've been parading in and out of Vanessa's house, since I moved here. A real pack of goofballs. But, I learned from each one of them.
Staying with someone just because he will be there, I know is not a reason to stay with them. It goes much deeper than that with us. I was explaining it the other day. We have history together. I'm at the point in my life when I don't want to try again. And, I'm not "settling" if that's what you're thinking. Even tho we don't act like it, we both love each other deeply. I know if I needed a kidney, he'd be getting himself tested. He actually told me, when we returned from Indianapolis, that he was proud of me. I wanted to hear those words come out of his mouth for years now!
Well, it's Friday and the weatherman was incorrect, again. Its been pouring all morning, and by the looks of it, the clouds and rain are here to stay the day! I'm in a hoodie, to keep what few hairs on my head dry, and a trench coat over that to keep the rest of me dry and toasty. Welcome to the Big C!
COLD! Its 48 degrees at 2:13 in the afternoon. My Weather Bug says its gonna be in the mid 30's tonight. Where did my summer go? Summer, you know, time for back yard or back porch barbecues, swimming in Lake Michigan, well that's questionable, laughter, outdoor parties, bond fires, marshmallows, fireworks out by the lake causing the sky to light up like Jacob's coat. Biking on the trails beside the lake, tennis, softball, baseball, Go Cubs, (whispering Go Sox), soccer, laying out, movies in the park, Lightning Bugs, even mosquitoes. Where have they all gone? Did I just fall asleep and miss it? Kinda like Rip Van Winkle's slumber? I guess its possible, but to sleep thru a whole season? Tell me this is all an illusion.
Sadly, the Bears are playing football, and reality sinks in. Its not a dream. Its the changing of the seasons. And with this season comes the next. And, with the next, leaving us with dreams and hopes of a warm spring day.
Peace and Blessed Be!
Today has been raining on and off, fighting like hell a sinus infection I probably picked up on the EL. Tomorrow, being Friday, more of the same in the morning, but rain will cease in the afternoon. Clouds will remain, says forecasters. And I, like a jackass, will go to work and act like nothing's wrong with me. But, I'm not contagious!
Saturday' s low is going to be 30 degrees. 30 DEGREES IN OCTOBER??? What is this place, Siberia? What the hell did I sign up for when I did it on the dotted line? I thought, Chicago...
Chicago, a land of opportunity. A place where you can be who ever you want to be. Be, anything you want. Sun always shining! (Like hell!) I have become something I would have never dreamed about, in Dallas. Member of the Board of Directors, maybe, at the place I call "my home away from home." 2 Leather titles, and 1 more in the making. Most of all, Ron and I are back together!
He still gets on my last nerve. Talking thru my favorite TV show. Snoring at the top of his lungs when you don't feel good and even when you do. But, no relationship is perfect. I do know that he will be there if anything should go terribly wrong with my health. More than I can say for the rest of the doofusses I've been parading in and out of Vanessa's house, since I moved here. A real pack of goofballs. But, I learned from each one of them.
Staying with someone just because he will be there, I know is not a reason to stay with them. It goes much deeper than that with us. I was explaining it the other day. We have history together. I'm at the point in my life when I don't want to try again. And, I'm not "settling" if that's what you're thinking. Even tho we don't act like it, we both love each other deeply. I know if I needed a kidney, he'd be getting himself tested. He actually told me, when we returned from Indianapolis, that he was proud of me. I wanted to hear those words come out of his mouth for years now!
Well, it's Friday and the weatherman was incorrect, again. Its been pouring all morning, and by the looks of it, the clouds and rain are here to stay the day! I'm in a hoodie, to keep what few hairs on my head dry, and a trench coat over that to keep the rest of me dry and toasty. Welcome to the Big C!
COLD! Its 48 degrees at 2:13 in the afternoon. My Weather Bug says its gonna be in the mid 30's tonight. Where did my summer go? Summer, you know, time for back yard or back porch barbecues, swimming in Lake Michigan, well that's questionable, laughter, outdoor parties, bond fires, marshmallows, fireworks out by the lake causing the sky to light up like Jacob's coat. Biking on the trails beside the lake, tennis, softball, baseball, Go Cubs, (whispering Go Sox)
Sadly, the Bears are playing football, and reality sinks in. Its not a dream. Its the changing of the seasons. And with this season comes the next. And, with the next, leaving us with dreams and hopes of a warm spring day.
Peace and Blessed Be!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
ITS HERE!
Sad but very true, Fall is upon us. The wind has shifted in a nasty direction, rain is falling out of the sky, like tears from a sobbing baby. And soon, the precipitation will be taking on a lighter shade of white.
I've noticed that restaurants are dragging in their outdoor tables and chairs. Citizens are bringing in their plants from their back porches and steps leading up to their front doors. The city is getting ready to hang a "Gone Ice Fishing" sign in all the windows along Clark and Halsted streets.
I've also noticed people digging in their closets and dusting off their sweaters, which really didn't have long to stay in storage, if they even made it that far. I have had a hoodie stretched out over my foot board since spring, because it never really got that hot. It was cold in July. WE HAD NO SUMMER!
And now, here we are bracing for the worst. Winter is just about on top of us. I still haven't drug out the head gear yet, but I know in my heart, it's just a matter of time. Time? Where did the summer go???
The "Sand Nazis" are long gone. The chairs in which they monitored our beaches have since been removed. Only thing left is to dig up the beach to keep erosion down to a minimum during the winter and frozen months ahead.
Seven more months of cold. Can ya' believe it? This weather is not for the weak of heart or the brave-less companion of fear. Here, I'm still spring cleaning, and now it's time to close the windows, barricade the doors, and hang my own sign "Closed for the Winter! GO AWAY!!!"
And on that lovely note, I need to bundle up, brave the cold, wind, and rain, making my way home as swiftly as I can!
Peace and
Blessed Be!
I've noticed that restaurants are dragging in their outdoor tables and chairs. Citizens are bringing in their plants from their back porches and steps leading up to their front doors. The city is getting ready to hang a "Gone Ice Fishing" sign in all the windows along Clark and Halsted streets.
I've also noticed people digging in their closets and dusting off their sweaters, which really didn't have long to stay in storage, if they even made it that far. I have had a hoodie stretched out over my foot board since spring, because it never really got that hot. It was cold in July. WE HAD NO SUMMER!
And now, here we are bracing for the worst. Winter is just about on top of us. I still haven't drug out the head gear yet, but I know in my heart, it's just a matter of time. Time? Where did the summer go???
The "Sand Nazis" are long gone. The chairs in which they monitored our beaches have since been removed. Only thing left is to dig up the beach to keep erosion down to a minimum during the winter and frozen months ahead.
Seven more months of cold. Can ya' believe it? This weather is not for the weak of heart or the brave-less companion of fear. Here, I'm still spring cleaning, and now it's time to close the windows, barricade the doors, and hang my own sign "Closed for the Winter! GO AWAY!!!"
And on that lovely note, I need to bundle up, brave the cold, wind, and rain, making my way home as swiftly as I can!
Peace and
Blessed Be!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
CRAP! FALL IS HERE!
Well, you heard it here 1st. Fall is officially here. Two days ago, we were experiencing 80 degree weather. Then in about 12 hours, a huge thunderstorm, that came out of nowhere, and BOOM, violent thunder, lightning, and a tornado later, here we are, in the middle of fall.
Leaves are turning, orange, red, crimson, and yellow, falling peacefully down off saddened trees. collecting in perfect little circles of color, appearing at their trunks. Oh fall! As I said earlier, I have wrapped up summer so tight in my body, just holding on to it to keep me warm when the bitter, cold wind starts to blow!
Fall. Time for grey clouds, cold wind, plants that littered countless back porches this past spring and summer, to be brought in against the onslaught of temperatures dropping. And the nasty little squirrels that have been going nuttz. Pardon the pun. By their activity, you know a bad winter is just around the corner. But, I digress...
Fall is a magically time for smells of pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg, spice, cakes, pies, cookies, and candles. A time for family and friends. Gatherings, children, young and old. The tinkling sound of punch glasses being raised in a toast. Laughter. Music. Sweaters, hoodies, leather, mittens, gloves, scarves, trench coats.
All the above images are put into your mind for, when you think, you've just about had enough, read this again and maybe you will feel the the warmth in the spirit, in which it was written!
Peace and Blessed Be!
Bear
Leaves are turning, orange, red, crimson, and yellow, falling peacefully down off saddened trees. collecting in perfect little circles of color, appearing at their trunks. Oh fall!
Fall. Time for grey clouds, cold wind, plants that littered countless back porches this past spring and summer, to be brought in against the onslaught of temperatures dropping. And the nasty little squirrels that have been going nuttz. Pardon the pun. By their activity, you know a bad winter is just around the corner. But, I digress...
Fall is a magically time for smells of pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg, spice, cakes, pies, cookies, and candles. A time for family and friends. Gatherings, children, young and old. The tinkling sound of punch glasses being raised in a toast. Laughter. Music. Sweaters, hoodies, leather, mittens, gloves, scarves, trench coats.
All the above images are put into your mind for, when you think, you've just about had enough, read this again and maybe you will feel the the warmth in the spirit, in which it was written!
Peace and Blessed Be!
Bear
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Why?
Why does summer have to end?
In all its spectacular color, why does fall have to begin?
Why do we, as adults, see Fall leaves, piled on the ground, revert to being a kid, and kick them up in the air as high as we can? Or, am I the only one that does that? LOL
Why do we go on when we know one day it will all end?
Why is that you die and are sent to wonderful, pain free, love filled existence, then are sent back home where pain abounds?
Why do they say that lightning never strikes twice in the same place, when it does?
Why do we love, just to get our hearts broken?
Why do we reach out to help others, only to have people question the method we used to reach out?
Why do we adopt pets knowing that we will probably out live them, and turn around and do it all over again?
It's very humid out today, but there is definitely a chill in the air. Makes me feel a little bummed out, knowing what is around the corner. Back home, in Dallas, there still experiencing 90 degree plus temps with unbearable, every pun intended, humidity. Shirt soaking weather. And, you wonder why do people still live there?
I was watching the squirrels in our neighborhood for the last couple of days. I've learned to judge how bad the winter is going to be by their activity. The squirrels are going crazy!!! All my plants, but one, have been moved in doors. The last will find a home in Ron's room when I get back this afternoon. There is so much dirt on my back porch from those little bastards, digging in all my potted plants, throwing one, that I had just planted, three floors down. It didn't commit suicide, it was pure murder! Why would a squirrel want to harm one of my plants???
When tears are made from you own body, why do they burn when you cry?
Why does the sunrise look different from sunset?
Just a lot of random unanswered questions that run thru my mind on a daily basis, that I pray made you stop and think. Most people would say I'm crazy. Why?
In all its spectacular color, why does fall have to begin?
Why do we, as adults, see Fall leaves, piled on the ground, revert to being a kid, and kick them up in the air as high as we can? Or, am I the only one that does that? LOL
Why do we go on when we know one day it will all end?
Why is that you die and are sent to wonderful, pain free, love filled existence, then are sent back home where pain abounds?
Why do they say that lightning never strikes twice in the same place, when it does?
Why do we love, just to get our hearts broken?
Why do we reach out to help others, only to have people question the method we used to reach out?
Why do we adopt pets knowing that we will probably out live them, and turn around and do it all over again?
It's very humid out today, but there is definitely a chill in the air. Makes me feel a little bummed out, knowing what is around the corner. Back home, in Dallas, there still experiencing 90 degree plus temps with unbearable, every pun intended, humidity. Shirt soaking weather. And, you wonder why do people still live there?
I was watching the squirrels in our neighborhood for the last couple of days. I've learned to judge how bad the winter is going to be by their activity. The squirrels are going crazy!!! All my plants, but one, have been moved in doors. The last will find a home in Ron's room when I get back this afternoon. There is so much dirt on my back porch from those little bastards, digging in all my potted plants, throwing one, that I had just planted, three floors down. It didn't commit suicide, it was pure murder! Why would a squirrel want to harm one of my plants???
When tears are made from you own body, why do they burn when you cry?
Why does the sunrise look different from sunset?
Just a lot of random unanswered questions that run thru my mind on a daily basis, that I pray made you stop and think. Most people would say I'm crazy. Why?
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Thursday, September 17, 2009
Great Lakes Leather Sir/boy and the End Of Summer
Yes, you guessed it. I won Great Lakes Leather Sir 2010.
My speech blew the judges and crowd away. My fantasy, I was told was the most violent and the most erotic, stated 1 judge, he has ever seen before. Jock was, well, it was there. And when the winner was announced, I didn't hear it. I looked at the other 2 contestants, with applause roaring, and they were clapping looking at me. Everyone was clapping looking at me. I WON!!! I can't fucking believe it.
I had a great weekend. And, not just because I won, either. I met a lot of very nice people. A lot of them will travel thru my life with me. Others are just memories of a wonderful weekend. Ron bought me my 1st flogger. I have yet to put it to use.
Okay, with that news out of the way, here's what's going on today...
I noticed a couple of days ago, that the leaves are starting to turn and I also saw some fall to the ground from their branches. My instant reaction was FUCK, WINTER'S COMING!!!ARG!!! The days are getting shorter. We never really had a summer. So, I've been creating my days around the beach. The more sun I get, the more tan I stay thru the winter's war!
The place that I volunteer at, Test Positive Aware Network, has asked me to be on the Board of Directors. Bill, aka "The Chicken Lady," pulled me into his office with the news. I was overwhelmed. My eyes started burning as tears rolled down my face. I love this place and I love what I'm allowed to do. I love giving HIV tests with happy endings. I haven't given a positive test in months. Now that I said something, you know damn well that I'll give one.
The new Executive Director, Bruce, brings his dog, Ema, with him to work. She's great fun. I roll in the floor with her, and chase her thru the building. I usually bring her dog treats when I come to work, but I forgot today and she was so pissed. She bit me. Not hard, but none the less, she struck like a python. I told her I would bring double her order tomorrow. Didn't make her feel bad about biting me, but it did seem to appease her.
So that is my summer. I win Illinois Leather Sir 2009 in late February. Great Lakes Leather Sir 2010, in August, and now I'm sitting on the Board of an expanding HIV facility.
And here again, sad but true, its the 18th of September. Fall is just the next door down the hall. Very soon that door will open. No Jasmine in the air. Soon to be replaced by the scent of cinnamon and nutmeg. Turkey, pumpkin pies. Soups and chicken and dumplings. Don't get me wrong, I love those smells. It just means my wonderful summer is over. The laughter, skate boarders, kites so high up, they nearly reach the gods. Drums beating by the Lake. Music, bonfires, movies in the park. Artists of the Wall. Friends. Waves crashing on the shore, rearranging the rocks that reside there. These are the things that "center" me.
So, I will take these feelings of my summer, wrap them tightly up inside me, to keep me warm thru the dreaded cold. Until once again, when I can open up and release the butterfly that is spring.
My speech blew the judges and crowd away. My fantasy, I was told was the most violent and the most erotic, stated 1 judge, he has ever seen before. Jock was, well, it was there. And when the winner was announced, I didn't hear it. I looked at the other 2 contestants, with applause roaring, and they were clapping looking at me. Everyone was clapping looking at me. I WON!!! I can't fucking believe it.
I had a great weekend. And, not just because I won, either. I met a lot of very nice people. A lot of them will travel thru my life with me. Others are just memories of a wonderful weekend. Ron bought me my 1st flogger. I have yet to put it to use.
Okay, with that news out of the way, here's what's going on today...
I noticed a couple of days ago, that the leaves are starting to turn and I also saw some fall to the ground from their branches. My instant reaction was FUCK, WINTER'S COMING!!!ARG!!! The days are getting shorter. We never really had a summer. So, I've been creating my days around the beach. The more sun I get, the more tan I stay thru the winter's war!
The place that I volunteer at, Test Positive Aware Network, has asked me to be on the Board of Directors. Bill, aka "The Chicken Lady," pulled me into his office with the news. I was overwhelmed. My eyes started burning as tears rolled down my face. I love this place and I love what I'm allowed to do. I love giving HIV tests with happy endings. I haven't given a positive test in months. Now that I said something, you know damn well that I'll give one.
The new Executive Director, Bruce, brings his dog, Ema, with him to work. She's great fun. I roll in the floor with her, and chase her thru the building. I usually bring her dog treats when I come to work, but I forgot today and she was so pissed. She bit me. Not hard, but none the less, she struck like a python. I told her I would bring double her order tomorrow. Didn't make her feel bad about biting me, but it did seem to appease her.
So that is my summer. I win Illinois Leather Sir 2009 in late February. Great Lakes Leather Sir 2010, in August, and now I'm sitting on the Board of an expanding HIV facility.
And here again, sad but true, its the 18th of September. Fall is just the next door down the hall. Very soon that door will open. No Jasmine in the air. Soon to be replaced by the scent of cinnamon and nutmeg. Turkey, pumpkin pies. Soups and chicken and dumplings. Don't get me wrong, I love those smells. It just means my wonderful summer is over. The laughter, skate boarders, kites so high up, they nearly reach the gods. Drums beating by the Lake. Music, bonfires, movies in the park. Artists of the Wall. Friends. Waves crashing on the shore, rearranging the rocks that reside there. These are the things that "center" me.
So, I will take these feelings of my summer, wrap them tightly up inside me, to keep me warm thru the dreaded cold. Until once again, when I can open up and release the butterfly that is spring.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Summer Has Finally Hit The "Big C!"
Yes, you read it right, summer is finally here. Its already hot, and humid, but that's part of the Magick of Chicago. Hot and humid days, leave cool and dreamy nights.
I just went for a walk, at 8:30 this evening, down to the Lake. Lots of folks still out there. Decibels ringing loud. The sun was setting, beautifully. And I, left to walk the sands of Lake Michigan alone. Don't feel sad, I needed the time. With me increasing my "Leather Family" and 2 camps at war, I needed a break. I called 1 of my boys to see if he wanted to walk with me, via the cell phone in my hand. He agreed. I see your faces, sitting there, a little on the puzzled side. 'Sir Bear with 2 boys?' And '2 camps at war?' 'What the f--k's going on?' Let me tell you...
1st, Ron and Art had a difference of opinion about Ron's benefit show at the Cell Block. Art pulled out at the last minute, leaving Ron without art to auction and a singer yet to perform. I felt so sorry for him, I told him that since I was already MC'ing, I could sing too. And, I got a friend to showcase his artwork. 'Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!' Everything worked out just fine. We've steered clear of Art ever since, and not said a bad word about or to him, until today when Ron cleaned his clock. Damn, I would have killed to have seen that performance! And he deserved every bit of it.
Artist of the Wall came and Art divided the camps. He said later there was so much tension in the air you could cut it with a knife. I was there too, and that feeling never arose from our camp. It was only in his. In ours, there was laughter, a little bondage between Daniel and Judith, LOL another long story, but lots of fun was had over the weekend. Memories I will cherish for a lifetime. Thank you V! And, there pouted Art. At least there was no screaming match this year between him and Steve, like this past year.
The 2nd boy arrived a couple of weeks ago. Ron told me quite flippantly that I was not his Sir, I was his Daddy. Maybe I could get the boys that were always following me around to call me Sir, is what he said. I did just that. I answered an email from a boy that lives very close to us. A timid, little 23 year old that I could just eat him up. He's absolutely hot, but his looks aren't what attracted me to him. I think it was his shyness and something else I quite haven't figured out, yet.
As I said, he's 23, HIV poz, but very healthy. He's busy looking for a job at the moment. Almost had 1 today. I could help him and use my influence, but something's telling me that he has to do this on his own. His name is Paul. WELCOME PAUL TO VANESSA'S KITCHEN TABLE!!! You, now are 1 of the characters I will write about. He's stolen my heart. I already care for him a great deal. He asked me right after we met if I would be his Sir. I was quite flattered and didn't know what to say. I asked if he needed an answer right then, or could I toss the idea around for a little bit. I've always wanted to be in a Leather Family and now I am. I woke him up the other morning and told him yes, that I would love the chance to be his Sir!
Now, I have a Master, a Mistress, a Lady, a Sir, and 2 boys in my family. I'm the Sir, Mike Zule is my Master, Joanne Gaddy is my Mistress, Kim Justice is my Lady, and Ron and Paul are my boys. 1 big happy fuckin' family. Beats the hell outta the 1 I left in Dallas. Pun intended. Now you're basically up to speed.
Tonight was another magickal night in Chicagoland. The air, by the Lake, was cool, but not crisp, a little humidity thrown in the mix, with the smell hotdogs and hamburgers were on the menu with the scent of Jasmine so thick, still it haunts my senses. Lightning Bugs everywhere lighting up your path. I remembered an old story my mom used to tell me about her as a young girl with fireflies. I'll tell you about it 1 day.
And there's good news. Jasmine's 30 year old son, Mike, from South Beach, has left the high life of that fast paced city, to settle with his mom in Chicago. I think its the sweetest thing I've ever seen. And he's hot!!!! Property values definitely went up when he moved in.
I can't tell you how much I still love this city and everyone in it. Some are a little quirkier than others, but everyone seems to like me, with the exception of Art. I won't loose any sleep over it. He's just a pebble caught on the bottom of my shoe, waiting to get picked off! I cherish my friends and love them intensely. I wouldn't have like this city as much without them. They have made my experience worth the trip.
Its after 11 and I have an early day tomorrow, I need to get going. Sleep tight my friends. I hope to see you all tomorrow. Good night loves.
With All The Love In My Heart,
Sir Bear Abbott
Illinois Leather Sir 2009
I just went for a walk, at 8:30 this evening, down to the Lake. Lots of folks still out there. Decibels ringing loud. The sun was setting, beautifully. And I, left to walk the sands of Lake Michigan alone. Don't feel sad, I needed the time. With me increasing my "Leather Family" and 2 camps at war, I needed a break. I called 1 of my boys to see if he wanted to walk with me, via the cell phone in my hand. He agreed. I see your faces, sitting there, a little on the puzzled side. 'Sir Bear with 2 boys?' And '2 camps at war?' 'What the f--k's going on?' Let me tell you...
1st, Ron and Art had a difference of opinion about Ron's benefit show at the Cell Block. Art pulled out at the last minute, leaving Ron without art to auction and a singer yet to perform. I felt so sorry for him, I told him that since I was already MC'ing, I could sing too. And, I got a friend to showcase his artwork. 'Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!' Everything worked out just fine. We've steered clear of Art ever since, and not said a bad word about or to him, until today when Ron cleaned his clock. Damn, I would have killed to have seen that performance! And he deserved every bit of it.
Artist of the Wall came and Art divided the camps. He said later there was so much tension in the air you could cut it with a knife. I was there too, and that feeling never arose from our camp. It was only in his. In ours, there was laughter, a little bondage between Daniel and Judith, LOL another long story, but lots of fun was had over the weekend. Memories I will cherish for a lifetime. Thank you V!
The 2nd boy arrived a couple of weeks ago. Ron told me quite flippantly that I was not his Sir, I was his Daddy. Maybe I could get the boys that were always following me around to call me Sir, is what he said. I did just that. I answered an email from a boy that lives very close to us. A timid, little 23 year old that I could just eat him up. He's absolutely hot, but his looks aren't what attracted me to him. I think it was his shyness and something else I quite haven't figured out, yet.
As I said, he's 23, HIV poz, but very healthy. He's busy looking for a job at the moment. Almost had 1 today. I could help him and use my influence, but something's telling me that he has to do this on his own. His name is Paul. WELCOME PAUL TO VANESSA'S KITCHEN TABLE!!! You, now are 1 of the characters I will write about. He's stolen my heart. I already care for him a great deal. He asked me right after we met if I would be his Sir. I was quite flattered and didn't know what to say. I asked if he needed an answer right then, or could I toss the idea around for a little bit. I've always wanted to be in a Leather Family and now I am. I woke him up the other morning and told him yes, that I would love the chance to be his Sir!
Now, I have a Master, a Mistress, a Lady, a Sir, and 2 boys in my family. I'm the Sir, Mike Zule is my Master, Joanne Gaddy is my Mistress, Kim Justice is my Lady, and Ron and Paul are my boys. 1 big happy fuckin' family. Beats the hell outta the 1 I left in Dallas. Pun intended. Now you're basically up to speed.
Tonight was another magickal night in Chicagoland. The air, by the Lake, was cool, but not crisp, a little humidity thrown in the mix, with the smell hotdogs and hamburgers were on the menu with the scent of Jasmine so thick, still it haunts my senses. Lightning Bugs everywhere lighting up your path. I remembered an old story my mom used to tell me about her as a young girl with fireflies. I'll tell you about it 1 day.
And there's good news. Jasmine's 30 year old son, Mike, from South Beach, has left the high life of that fast paced city, to settle with his mom in Chicago. I think its the sweetest thing I've ever seen. And he's hot!!!! Property values definitely went up when he moved in.
I can't tell you how much I still love this city and everyone in it. Some are a little quirkier than others, but everyone seems to like me, with the exception of Art. I won't loose any sleep over it. He's just a pebble caught on the bottom of my shoe, waiting to get picked off! I cherish my friends and love them intensely. I wouldn't have like this city as much without them. They have made my experience worth the trip.
Its after 11 and I have an early day tomorrow, I need to get going. Sleep tight my friends. I hope to see you all tomorrow. Good night loves.
With All The Love In My Heart,
Sir Bear Abbott
Illinois Leather Sir 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Saying Goodbye
Saying goodbye to a friend is often a very difficult thing to do. And when you were not even consulted with, in the making of that decision to leave, it is even harder. But, when the Goddess herself calls you home, there's not a damn thing we can do about it or words to say to undo it. Its just done without anyone's permission.
Before we headed off to the Lake this past Sat. to paint, our heroin got the call she's been dreading to get. Her dear friend Clair was called home! She will be missed by her best friend and everyone that knew this remarkable woman. I never got the opportunity to meet this person of interest. She lived, to me, through the stories that Vanessa recounted.
Clair, if you're watching, Vanessa misses you! My love goes out to you, your family, and Vanessa. You will be missed, steady friend. Safe journey home girl. Save me a spot.
Love and Peaceful Journeys,
Sir Bear
Before we headed off to the Lake this past Sat. to paint, our heroin got the call she's been dreading to get. Her dear friend Clair was called home! She will be missed by her best friend and everyone that knew this remarkable woman. I never got the opportunity to meet this person of interest. She lived, to me, through the stories that Vanessa recounted.
Clair, if you're watching, Vanessa misses you! My love goes out to you, your family, and Vanessa. You will be missed, steady friend. Safe journey home girl. Save me a spot.
Love and Peaceful Journeys,
Sir Bear
Chicago's Break Out
After god-awful months of nothing but frozen temps, windchill, sleet, snow, blizzard, frost-bite, below 0, watching the heat escape from your back door, when you open it just to take peek. The fog billowing out of that door actually takes shape. It's amazing to watch, but absolutely horrible to experience.
If you've been following our story, wonderful Jasmine's phrase. coined here, about the "break out" in Chicago, where those of us that live here, come out of our caves and experience the world in which we live in. Spring/Summer is here. The experience is always marked by a party. Well, this weekend, it happen. Took fricking forever to get here, but this past weekend, Chicago Broke Out!!!
The "queen" of our circle, Vanessa, has been talking about this day since it was over last year. And, I'm so sure that when I see her later today, we'll be making plans for next year. But, the days couldn't get here soon enough. And finally, this past Saturday, "Artist of the Wall" came.
I have never witnessed Lady V, EVER, getting up before noon on a weekend. We were up and going at 8 in the morning and 3rd in line down at the beach to get registered, our name badges, ("We don't need no stinking badges"), and our paint.
The "gang" started arriving over time. I had my own square, #68, to paint as I saw fit, and V and her "helpers" painted her square, joining our 2 together. She was bound and determined to paint the "rainbow flag" to coincide with what I was painting. Mine was a tribute to California's PROP 8.
You know, I've never been ashamed of who and or what I am. All my friends know that I'm a gay, leatherman with HIV. No big deal. I don't throw who I am in your face. I am no longer a member of ACT UP. LOL This was the 1st time I told everyone, that passed in behind me, as I painted, 'Hey, look at me, I'm a big homo!' And, in big blue and white letters, I told all of Rogers Park, 'I'm GAY!!!' And, was never ashamed of it. I only had 1 bad reaction to it. Her nose crinkled up so bad, it was like she had smelled something foul. Probably her upper lip, but that was the only bad press. Others laughed at the saying I wrote. Other gays that walked past our squares, I saw their backs straighten with pride.
Enough politics. It was a weekend that I soon won't forget. The beating of the drums on Saturday afternoon. Beating so loud, it altered how your own heart beat. The music that arouse a couple of squares down was definitely gay dance music put on by another artist that was drawing "Stewie" from Family Guy. It was a plethora all different kinds of people down at the Lake. We're not just talking gay and str8. This went deeper than just sexual orientation. It was culture upon culture meeting together for a big party. Again, there are over 95 different languages spoken in Rogers Park daily. Over 95 different cultures are thrown into Chicago's best kept secret which is Rogers Park.
Thanks to our wonderful leader Vanessa, we had a wonderful, pretty much drama free, fantastic, fabulous, outstanding, eye opening, eye popping, sun baked, awe inspiring, groove thang shaking, muther humping, hell of a good time this past weekend. May I propose a toast to the hostess with the mostest, our LADY V. Lift your glasses and your doobies high. CHEERS GIRL! We had a blast, and it was had because of your love for fun and family that made it all possible. Again, thank you Nessa, you are the one!!!
Just because this past weekend is over, doesn't mean the party is, too. This coming weekend is, PRIDE WEEKEND!!! Rinse out your rainbow hankies and let's boogy to the beat of a different drummer on N. Halsted. Stay tuned...
Peace!
Sir Bear Abbott
If you've been following our story, wonderful Jasmine's phrase. coined here, about the "break out" in Chicago, where those of us that live here, come out of our caves and experience the world in which we live in. Spring/Summer is here. The experience is always marked by a party. Well, this weekend, it happen. Took fricking forever to get here, but this past weekend, Chicago Broke Out!!!
The "queen" of our circle, Vanessa, has been talking about this day since it was over last year. And, I'm so sure that when I see her later today, we'll be making plans for next year. But, the days couldn't get here soon enough. And finally, this past Saturday, "Artist of the Wall" came.
I have never witnessed Lady V, EVER, getting up before noon on a weekend. We were up and going at 8 in the morning and 3rd in line down at the beach to get registered, our name badges, ("We don't need no stinking badges"), and our paint.
The "gang" started arriving over time. I had my own square, #68, to paint as I saw fit, and V and her "helpers" painted her square, joining our 2 together. She was bound and determined to paint the "rainbow flag" to coincide with what I was painting. Mine was a tribute to California's PROP 8.
You know, I've never been ashamed of who and or what I am. All my friends know that I'm a gay, leatherman with HIV. No big deal. I don't throw who I am in your face. I am no longer a member of ACT UP. LOL This was the 1st time I told everyone, that passed in behind me, as I painted, 'Hey, look at me, I'm a big homo!' And, in big blue and white letters, I told all of Rogers Park, 'I'm GAY!!!' And, was never ashamed of it. I only had 1 bad reaction to it. Her nose crinkled up so bad, it was like she had smelled something foul. Probably her upper lip, but that was the only bad press. Others laughed at the saying I wrote. Other gays that walked past our squares, I saw their backs straighten with pride.
Enough politics. It was a weekend that I soon won't forget. The beating of the drums on Saturday afternoon. Beating so loud, it altered how your own heart beat. The music that arouse a couple of squares down was definitely gay dance music put on by another artist that was drawing "Stewie" from Family Guy. It was a plethora all different kinds of people down at the Lake. We're not just talking gay and str8. This went deeper than just sexual orientation. It was culture upon culture meeting together for a big party. Again, there are over 95 different languages spoken in Rogers Park daily. Over 95 different cultures are thrown into Chicago's best kept secret which is Rogers Park.
Thanks to our wonderful leader Vanessa, we had a wonderful, pretty much drama free, fantastic, fabulous, outstanding, eye opening, eye popping, sun baked, awe inspiring, groove thang shaking, muther humping, hell of a good time this past weekend. May I propose a toast to the hostess with the mostest, our LADY V. Lift your glasses and your doobies high. CHEERS GIRL! We had a blast, and it was had because of your love for fun and family that made it all possible. Again, thank you Nessa, you are the one!!!
Just because this past weekend is over, doesn't mean the party is, too. This coming weekend is, PRIDE WEEKEND!!! Rinse out your rainbow hankies and let's boogy to the beat of a different drummer on N. Halsted. Stay tuned...
Peace!
Sir Bear Abbott
Monday, April 27, 2009
LEATHER - YES SIR!
Ron, and yours truly, just spent this last weekend in Cleveland attending C.L.A.W. Cleveland Leather Awareness Weekend. Mercy, what a ball we had. Not only did the host hotel sell out, but the event took over another hotel down the street. That's where we stayed, the Embassy Suites.
Was it ever. We've lived in smaller apartments than what the size of this room was. Huge living, a separate bedroom, both having flat-screen TV's in them. And, a bathroom, I know, that had its own zip code.
We left Harley in the hands of our Kitchen Table leader. Its gonna take weeks to undo what she did. He always comes back even more spoiled than he was when he was handed over. That dog. To have his life...sigh! LOL
We made lots of new friends from across the country. I've never seen so many "sash queens" in my whole life. And the 2 of us just made two more to add to the mix. He's going for IML, I'm heading for GLLSb in Indianapolis. Great Lakes Leather Sir/boy.
As you can tell, I haven't been writing like I should, so the time in between C.L.A.W., IML, and the present, has been vast. So let's try to catch you up...
Ron and I checked into the Hilton Hotel, downtown Chicago, a couple of weeks ago. Ron did very well but did not place in the top 20, out of 54 contestants. A dude from Dallas, Texas won! But he was happy just the same. I've never been more proud of him! Now we are working on my next competition.
Ron brought with him, on his last visit home, a horrible cough. The hillbilly still does not know how to keep his cough to himself. He infected Jasmine's, Vanessa's, and our house with it. I took it the worst out of all of us. A couple of days ago, I thought I was dying. The next day, I was even praying for it. I've never been so miserable. He brought me some OTC medicine yesterday that seemed to be doing the trick.
Okay, with that all said and done, here's what's coming up...
Next weekend is Rogers Park's, "Artists of the Wall." We've even open our squares up to Jasmine's son, Mike. He's the only real artist of the group. It should be a drunken, stoned, hilarious event, just like it was last year. We're praying for good weather.
Today the weather sucks. Cold and rainy. But tomorrow promises sun and 75 degrees. Summer has still not hit the Big C yet, and here it is mid June? It feels more like Fall. But hey, it could be worse. I could still live back in Texas whereas today its supposed to be 100 degrees. No thank you!
So, now I believe you are caught up. Not much worth writing about, but when it comes up, you can make sure you'll read about it. A special "HEY," goes out to Anna. Hope all is well with you honey! Talk to y'all soon.
Peace!
Sir Bear Abbott
Illinois Leather Sir 2009
Was it ever. We've lived in smaller apartments than what the size of this room was. Huge living, a separate bedroom, both having flat-screen TV's in them. And, a bathroom, I know, that had its own zip code.
We left Harley in the hands of our Kitchen Table leader. Its gonna take weeks to undo what she did. He always comes back even more spoiled than he was when he was handed over. That dog. To have his life...sigh! LOL
We made lots of new friends from across the country. I've never seen so many "sash queens" in my whole life. And the 2 of us just made two more to add to the mix. He's going for IML, I'm heading for GLLSb in Indianapolis. Great Lakes Leather Sir/boy.
As you can tell, I haven't been writing like I should, so the time in between C.L.A.W., IML, and the present, has been vast. So let's try to catch you up...
Ron and I checked into the Hilton Hotel, downtown Chicago, a couple of weeks ago. Ron did very well but did not place in the top 20, out of 54 contestants. A dude from Dallas, Texas won! But he was happy just the same. I've never been more proud of him! Now we are working on my next competition.
Ron brought with him, on his last visit home, a horrible cough. The hillbilly still does not know how to keep his cough to himself. He infected Jasmine's, Vanessa's, and our house with it. I took it the worst out of all of us. A couple of days ago, I thought I was dying. The next day, I was even praying for it. I've never been so miserable. He brought me some OTC medicine yesterday that seemed to be doing the trick.
Okay, with that all said and done, here's what's coming up...
Next weekend is Rogers Park's, "Artists of the Wall." We've even open our squares up to Jasmine's son, Mike. He's the only real artist of the group. It should be a drunken, stoned, hilarious event, just like it was last year. We're praying for good weather.
Today the weather sucks. Cold and rainy. But tomorrow promises sun and 75 degrees. Summer has still not hit the Big C yet, and here it is mid June? It feels more like Fall. But hey, it could be worse. I could still live back in Texas whereas today its supposed to be 100 degrees. No thank you!
So, now I believe you are caught up. Not much worth writing about, but when it comes up, you can make sure you'll read about it. A special "HEY," goes out to Anna. Hope all is well with you honey! Talk to y'all soon.
Peace!
Sir Bear Abbott
Illinois Leather Sir 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Losing Your Best Friend
My best friend has left me. We were together for 14 years and now she's gone.
As of March 10, 2009, Pyawacet took her final breath and departed. I know this was the best thing for her, no more pain, diarrhea, no more vomiting, but what she left behind is a man with a broken heart. Readers, I don't know how I'm gonna make it thru this. Everywhere I turn, in my house, in my neighborhood, I see her.
No more will I hear her "barking" for breakfast or for dinner. No more will I feel her curl up in my lap and softly purr. No more will I feel the joy of the excitement she created when I walked in the front door.
I told her, before she drew her last breath, not to go into the light, wait for me, because in a blink of her eye, I will be there. In real time on Earth, I told her it would be a couple of years and then I would join her. She, and my dog Gretchen, the 3 of us will walk into the Light together and play like there's gonna be no tomorrow. Which, there won't be. Only today. But still, there's memory of me seeing the Light and being told its not my time yet, that I had something very important to do before I could return. Maybe this is it...
I'm lost. I don't know where to turn, what to do next? I wanted so badly to call into work last night and say I wasn't coming in. Everyone there already knew what I had gone thru the day before. I told 1 person and now all of Chicago knows.
I went to work to go out in the field to "test." I had 2 people that wanted to take the test. 1st 1 was fine. The 2nd 1, not so fine. There was this man that I had just given a life altering sentence to, and all he asked for was a hug. The towel, that he was wearing, slipped off and there I was holding, very tightly, a naked man. Neither of us cared.
As we sat on the couch and talked, he told me that he didn't want to come in because he thought he already knew the answer. But, he had had this dream the night before and I was in it. He said this man looked exactly like me and even spoke with the deep, soothing voice I have. He said it was me soon as he saw me. So he knew his dream was coming true.
This driving force made me go to work. I had no idea, until I told this guy he was "positive!" Then I was quite certain why I had to come into work. Just to be there for this man. And I'll be there again for him on Friday where I will see him at the office.
When I started this, it was this morning. Since then I have seen the eye doc and my therapist. I didn't know I had it in me to make a therapist cry, but I did. She asked me if it was in Pyawacet's best interest to keep her earth bound? I guess not.
As soon as I got home, I fired up my Shaman drum to help her on her way. While I was drumming, a blasted cat jumped on the bed and then walked over to me and nudged the drum. My hand moved with it. I opened my eyes and there was no cat. Nothing. I knew then it was Py saying goodbye.This makes twice I've had to say goodbye. Before she left, she left me know that, when it was my time, she'll be back to walk me home! Goddess, be with my girl, I'll be there soon.
I love you Pyawacet!
Peace
As of March 10, 2009, Pyawacet took her final breath and departed. I know this was the best thing for her, no more pain, diarrhea, no more vomiting, but what she left behind is a man with a broken heart. Readers, I don't know how I'm gonna make it thru this. Everywhere I turn, in my house, in my neighborhood, I see her.
No more will I hear her "barking" for breakfast or for dinner. No more will I feel her curl up in my lap and softly purr. No more will I feel the joy of the excitement she created when I walked in the front door.
I told her, before she drew her last breath, not to go into the light, wait for me, because in a blink of her eye, I will be there. In real time on Earth, I told her it would be a couple of years and then I would join her. She, and my dog Gretchen, the 3 of us will walk into the Light together and play like there's gonna be no tomorrow. Which, there won't be. Only today. But still, there's memory of me seeing the Light and being told its not my time yet, that I had something very important to do before I could return. Maybe this is it...
I'm lost. I don't know where to turn, what to do next? I wanted so badly to call into work last night and say I wasn't coming in. Everyone there already knew what I had gone thru the day before. I told 1 person and now all of Chicago knows.
I went to work to go out in the field to "test." I had 2 people that wanted to take the test. 1st 1 was fine. The 2nd 1, not so fine. There was this man that I had just given a life altering sentence to, and all he asked for was a hug. The towel, that he was wearing, slipped off and there I was holding, very tightly, a naked man. Neither of us cared.
As we sat on the couch and talked, he told me that he didn't want to come in because he thought he already knew the answer. But, he had had this dream the night before and I was in it. He said this man looked exactly like me and even spoke with the deep, soothing voice I have. He said it was me soon as he saw me. So he knew his dream was coming true.
This driving force made me go to work. I had no idea, until I told this guy he was "positive!" Then I was quite certain why I had to come into work. Just to be there for this man. And I'll be there again for him on Friday where I will see him at the office.
When I started this, it was this morning. Since then I have seen the eye doc and my therapist. I didn't know I had it in me to make a therapist cry, but I did. She asked me if it was in Pyawacet's best interest to keep her earth bound? I guess not.
As soon as I got home, I fired up my Shaman drum to help her on her way. While I was drumming, a blasted cat jumped on the bed and then walked over to me and nudged the drum. My hand moved with it. I opened my eyes and there was no cat. Nothing. I knew then it was Py saying goodbye.This makes twice I've had to say goodbye. Before she left, she left me know that, when it was my time, she'll be back to walk me home! Goddess, be with my girl, I'll be there soon.
I love you Pyawacet!
Peace
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Hard Lessons Learned
We all have days from time to time when it feels like the world is against us or that the chaos we are experiencing will never end. One negative circumstance seems to lead to another. You may wonder, on a bad day, whether anything in your life will ever go right again. But a bad day, like any other day, can be a gift. Having a bad day can show you that it is time to slow down, change course, or lighten up. A bad day can help you glean wisdom you might otherwise have overlooked or discounted. Bad days can certainly cause you to experience uncomfortable feelings you would prefer to avoid, yet a bad day may also give you a potent means to learn about yourself.
You may consider a bad day to be one where you’ve missing an important meeting because your car stalled, the damn bus driver passed you again standing on the corner, the EL just pulled away from the stop, and you received a piece of very bad news earlier in the morning. Multiple misfortunes that take place one after the other can leave us feeling vulnerable and intensely cognizant of our fragility. But bad days can only have a long-term negative effect on us if we let them. It is better to ask yourself what you can learn from these kinds of days. The state of your bad day may be an indicator that you need to stay in and hibernate or let go of your growing negativity. Bad days contribute to the people we become. Though we may feel discouraged and distressed on our bad days, a bad day can teach us patience and perseverance.
It is important to remember that your attitude drives your destiny and that one negative experience does not have to be the beginning of an ongoing stroke of bad luck. A bad day is memorable because it is one day among many good days – otherwise, we wouldn’t even bother to acknowledge it as a bad day. Know too, that everybody has bad days, you are not alone, the world is not against you. Tomorrow is guaranteed to be a brighter day. Might be raining or snowing, but I promise, tomorrow will be a better day.
Peace Out!
Sir Bear of Chicago
You may consider a bad day to be one where you’ve missing an important meeting because your car stalled, the damn bus driver passed you again standing on the corner, the EL just pulled away from the stop, and you received a piece of very bad news earlier in the morning. Multiple misfortunes that take place one after the other can leave us feeling vulnerable and intensely cognizant of our fragility. But bad days can only have a long-term negative effect on us if we let them. It is better to ask yourself what you can learn from these kinds of days. The state of your bad day may be an indicator that you need to stay in and hibernate or let go of your growing negativity. Bad days contribute to the people we become. Though we may feel discouraged and distressed on our bad days, a bad day can teach us patience and perseverance.
It is important to remember that your attitude drives your destiny and that one negative experience does not have to be the beginning of an ongoing stroke of bad luck. A bad day is memorable because it is one day among many good days – otherwise, we wouldn’t even bother to acknowledge it as a bad day. Know too, that everybody has bad days, you are not alone, the world is not against you. Tomorrow is guaranteed to be a brighter day. Might be raining or snowing, but I promise, tomorrow will be a better day.
Peace Out!
Sir Bear of Chicago
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Spring?
Okay, enough is enough with the fuckin' snow. I've had it! When is it ever gonna be Spring? Does this thing actually exist? Or, is it just another Hallmark moment you have to buy another frickin' card for? Spring, you know the thing that is supposed to start after winter's chill is done for another year? Those of us that are in the "deep freeze" would love to know when that day is?
I want to see muli-colors on the ground and in the trees. The color of white, yellow in the snow, brown, and or black is driving this Southerner out of his cotton pickin' mind! (Pardon the pun Vanessa! No offense, okay? LOL)
I mean really, is it too much to ask for just a couple of days in the 50's to give us a taste of what, maybe Australia is going thru right this very second? (Hold the fires!) Instead, we get our weather sent to us via the Polar Ice Caps!
We want an end to this dreaded freeze that when you walk out your front door, instantly your moustache, for those of us who can grow 1, freezes stiff on your face like what Viagra does to your pecker. I mean come on, this is ridiculous. Its been cold ever since, what, Halloween? That was 4 months ago. I remember in school when we studied the seasons of the year, that each season lasted 3 months. Now we're going on 5 this winter? Give us a break!
Last spring was so wonderful. It was my 1st one here. It was almost like someone flipping a switch. Jasmine swears that we don't have a spring. But, I vaguely remember 1 happening. I might be a stoner, but get real! The trees started budding, stalks of green came bursting up thru the ground that led to an array of colorful things attached to them. I mean, it was still cool. You couldn't rip of your shirts and dive into Lake Michigan. Who wants to anyway? YUK! But it was there, I know it was.
But, for now, we're stuck in frozen hell somewhere in between frost bite, and shivering to death. My teeth still chatter when I'm awakened in the middle of the night when nature calls. I have to put on a robe, dash to the bathroom and by the time every thing's done, in the cold, I'm wide awake with nothing to do. Many a night, I would just lay in bed and then after an hour or so, say, 'Fuck it!,' and come out here in the living room and fire up my computer, trying to get warmth from the hard drive. LOL
I want to see kites in the air, like I wrote about before. Dogs barking, children playing "Tag." The drums beating high above the laughter of adults playing in the water at the beach. The sight of sun worshipers, bicycles whooshing past you, roller bladers, animals doing what comes naturally in the spring. I want to do that, too! People down at the Lake looking for that special stone in the water.
Is all of the above just too much to ask for? Or am I just pissing in the wind, or out the back window of a station wagon? Someone's gonna get wet, and I'm afraid that someone is gonna be me. Is there something we can due to usher in what we all want? Please Goddess, hear our cries! SEND US SPRING!
Affectionately,
Sir Bear of Chicago
I want to see muli-colors on the ground and in the trees. The color of white, yellow in the snow, brown, and or black is driving this Southerner out of his cotton pickin' mind! (Pardon the pun Vanessa! No offense, okay? LOL)
I mean really, is it too much to ask for just a couple of days in the 50's to give us a taste of what, maybe Australia is going thru right this very second? (Hold the fires!) Instead, we get our weather sent to us via the Polar Ice Caps!
We want an end to this dreaded freeze that when you walk out your front door, instantly your moustache, for those of us who can grow 1, freezes stiff on your face like what Viagra does to your pecker. I mean come on, this is ridiculous. Its been cold ever since, what, Halloween? That was 4 months ago. I remember in school when we studied the seasons of the year, that each season lasted 3 months. Now we're going on 5 this winter? Give us a break!
Last spring was so wonderful. It was my 1st one here. It was almost like someone flipping a switch. Jasmine swears that we don't have a spring. But, I vaguely remember 1 happening. I might be a stoner, but get real! The trees started budding, stalks of green came bursting up thru the ground that led to an array of colorful things attached to them. I mean, it was still cool. You couldn't rip of your shirts and dive into Lake Michigan. Who wants to anyway? YUK! But it was there, I know it was.
But, for now, we're stuck in frozen hell somewhere in between frost bite, and shivering to death. My teeth still chatter when I'm awakened in the middle of the night when nature calls. I have to put on a robe, dash to the bathroom and by the time every thing's done, in the cold, I'm wide awake with nothing to do. Many a night, I would just lay in bed and then after an hour or so, say, 'Fuck it!,' and come out here in the living room and fire up my computer, trying to get warmth from the hard drive. LOL
I want to see kites in the air, like I wrote about before. Dogs barking, children playing "Tag." The drums beating high above the laughter of adults playing in the water at the beach. The sight of sun worshipers, bicycles whooshing past you, roller bladers, animals doing what comes naturally in the spring. I want to do that, too! People down at the Lake looking for that special stone in the water.
Is all of the above just too much to ask for? Or am I just pissing in the wind, or out the back window of a station wagon? Someone's gonna get wet, and I'm afraid that someone is gonna be me. Is there something we can due to usher in what we all want? Please Goddess, hear our cries! SEND US SPRING!
Affectionately,
Sir Bear of Chicago
Monday, February 16, 2009
"Break Out" in Chicago
Will the winter ever end here in Chicago??? The answer to that question is, 'HELL FUCKIN' NO!' It will drag on until the fat lady sings, and that ol' bitch has not even begun to warm up. Pardon the pun. Rumor has it her dress has gotten stuck half way down.
I've been trapped in the house for now going on 2 weeks with a simple sinus infection. I called my doc immediately when I thought I was coming down with 1. Didn't want to see him. Just call in the script and everyone will be fine.
The pills were being taken, like prescribed, I thought I was getting better, but in reality, I was not feeling any better at all. I actually was getting worse.
As I slumped at our heroine's table, she actually threatened to kick my ass if I didn't go see the doc. So, with a request like that, I made the appointment the very next morning.
I explained to the receptionist, I had this mean, bad tempered, 6 foot tall, black lady threatening to kick my ass from here to Wisconsin if y'all don't see me. After a lot of giggling from the other end of the phone, which pissed me off even more, I secured an appointment for later in the afternoon.
Come to find out, Vanessa was right, I'm immune to a Z-Pak. Thank you Vanessa!!! I since have been put on something stronger and meaner than her. And it has torn my stomach up. I have 3 more doses to go until I'm free of that crap. Its upset my stomach, my social life, and my job. I know everyone at work thinks I'm dead behind a dumpster somewhere!
Back to my rant...
The sky is clear and the sun is brightly shining. But don't let it fool you. My weather bug on the computer says its 31 bone chilling degrees outside. With SSW wind of 3 miles per hour, making it even colder.
Yesterday, I mentioned, I crawled downstairs to see Vanessa's. No longer contagious. Jasmine was also down there, with her door open, and with dill tea she had made for me and my stomach. I take it by the teaspoon. I would love nothing more than have a huge blunt in front of me on fire!!!
I went over to Jasmine's apartment, 1st, and we sat at her dining room table, and we talked about Chicago's " Break Out" and when that would be. "Break Out" in Chicago is a wonderful thing to behold. If you can just close your eyes for a moment a picture this...You're in a beautiful city with so much to do, but its all unreachable during the winter months. Who in the hell would want to go out in this mess. Cold, snow, ice. Its crazy!
We've got about 2 more months of winter and the Break Out hits. We'll be swinging from our back porches, cookouts, Artist of the Wall down at the Lake, and maybe I'll have someone new with me. Or old. I'm not all that picky. Oh, who am I trying to fool, hell yes I'm picky, and I'm not going to just settle either. You have to be a certain way or no go. And, you can't know who John-Michael is. That, right there, is a deal breaker. LOL
But, yeah, the thought of kite flying at the beach, running/power walking, cycling all over town. This place is a wonderful and magical dream in the summer. But, in the winter, its very forbidding, hateful, and a "Closed For Repairs" kinda place.
Okay, I'm done, and at the end of this rant, but, I want to leave you with some wonderful images...
Green grass, leaves on the trees, birds doing their thing, kites so far up you can barely see them, cyclists buzzing by, people out with their mutts on leashes, and their dogs too. LOL Laughter, singing, drums beating to the "call of nature," jazz filling the very air you breathe. Hot dogs, steaks, and hamburgers on a grill. The smell of jasmine so thick you could cut it with a knife. (No offense Jasmine. LOL) The sound of children at play, couples walking hand in hand down at the Lake, the old men playing dominoes on benches down at the park, and me in the center of it all. This place blows me into flight.
Peace...
I've been trapped in the house for now going on 2 weeks with a simple sinus infection. I called my doc immediately when I thought I was coming down with 1. Didn't want to see him. Just call in the script and everyone will be fine.
The pills were being taken, like prescribed, I thought I was getting better, but in reality, I was not feeling any better at all. I actually was getting worse.
As I slumped at our heroine's table, she actually threatened to kick my ass if I didn't go see the doc. So, with a request like that, I made the appointment the very next morning.
I explained to the receptionist, I had this mean, bad tempered, 6 foot tall, black lady threatening to kick my ass from here to Wisconsin if y'all don't see me. After a lot of giggling from the other end of the phone, which pissed me off even more, I secured an appointment for later in the afternoon.
Come to find out, Vanessa was right, I'm immune to a Z-Pak. Thank you Vanessa!!! I since have been put on something stronger and meaner than her. And it has torn my stomach up. I have 3 more doses to go until I'm free of that crap. Its upset my stomach, my social life, and my job. I know everyone at work thinks I'm dead behind a dumpster somewhere!
Back to my rant...
The sky is clear and the sun is brightly shining. But don't let it fool you. My weather bug on the computer says its 31 bone chilling degrees outside. With SSW wind of 3 miles per hour, making it even colder.
Yesterday, I mentioned, I crawled downstairs to see Vanessa's. No longer contagious. Jasmine was also down there, with her door open, and with dill tea she had made for me and my stomach. I take it by the teaspoon. I would love nothing more than have a huge blunt in front of me on fire!!!
I went over to Jasmine's apartment, 1st, and we sat at her dining room table, and we talked about Chicago's " Break Out" and when that would be. "Break Out" in Chicago is a wonderful thing to behold. If you can just close your eyes for a moment a picture this...You're in a beautiful city with so much to do, but its all unreachable during the winter months. Who in the hell would want to go out in this mess. Cold, snow, ice. Its crazy!
We've got about 2 more months of winter and the Break Out hits. We'll be swinging from our back porches, cookouts, Artist of the Wall down at the Lake, and maybe I'll have someone new with me. Or old. I'm not all that picky. Oh, who am I trying to fool, hell yes I'm picky, and I'm not going to just settle either. You have to be a certain way or no go. And, you can't know who John-Michael is. That, right there, is a deal breaker. LOL
But, yeah, the thought of kite flying at the beach, running/power walking, cycling all over town. This place is a wonderful and magical dream in the summer. But, in the winter, its very forbidding, hateful, and a "Closed For Repairs" kinda place.
Okay, I'm done, and at the end of this rant, but, I want to leave you with some wonderful images...
Green grass, leaves on the trees, birds doing their thing, kites so far up you can barely see them, cyclists buzzing by, people out with their mutts on leashes, and their dogs too. LOL Laughter, singing, drums beating to the "call of nature," jazz filling the very air you breathe. Hot dogs, steaks, and hamburgers on a grill. The smell of jasmine so thick you could cut it with a knife. (No offense Jasmine. LOL) The sound of children at play, couples walking hand in hand down at the Lake, the old men playing dominoes on benches down at the park, and me in the center of it all. This place blows me into flight.
Peace...
Monday, February 9, 2009
Winter's Cold
I guess y'all think, since I'm a Southerner, I'm gonna bitch about how cold it is. Well, day before yesterday, when I started this post, I would have. And just when you think you can't take it anymore, the heavens open up, the skies clear, and it warms up a whopping 60 degrees. That was yesterday. Today, is another story.
I awoke, this morning, with the familiar tap, tap, tap, on my windowpane, knowing that it wasn't my love, as the song goes, it was the sound of the fucking rain! We've gone from 60 delicious degrees, to a 37 frigid, icicle from hell.
Okay, enough of the bitching. There's nothing we can do about it. You just layer yourself up and pray for the 1st sign of spring. What I do wanna talk about is the brave hearted people that live in this wonderful city.
In summer, we're all aglow. Michigan Ave. has scores of men and women in their latest couture, preening themselves in their reflections in Macy's windows. Joggers on the pathways of the Lake, strollers by the scores. YUK! Oh, and don't forget the bicyclists, that break every law that was made for motorists and get away with it. That is our summer.
In the winter, we loose our individualism. Everyone looks the same. I was walking down the street today, trying my best to keep warm, when this person came up to me, smiling from ear to ear like a jackass, and I thought, 'Who the fuck are you?' Apparently she was glad to see me. I returned the smile and the greeting and then it dawned on me who she was. She was Jasmine's favorite waitress, and mine, from Morseland. That's what we all loose up here in the winter. I'm sorry, you could be wearing an Armani suit, but underneath an overcoat, scarves out the ying yang, and dorky little knit hats on our heads, who gives a shit!
So let me end this rank with...
Just because we have to layer ourselves up the wazoo, don't forget you are individuals, too. Splash some color on that grey coat. Wear a star spangled banner scarf. Nothing looks bad if you can throw a little red, white, and blue on it. Try it! You and your friends will be amazed. And, you'll feel better too! It'll help these long days of winter pass. And hopefully, they'll pass quickly!
I awoke, this morning, with the familiar tap, tap, tap, on my windowpane, knowing that it wasn't my love, as the song goes, it was the sound of the fucking rain! We've gone from 60 delicious degrees, to a 37 frigid, icicle from hell.
Okay, enough of the bitching. There's nothing we can do about it. You just layer yourself up and pray for the 1st sign of spring. What I do wanna talk about is the brave hearted people that live in this wonderful city.
In summer, we're all aglow. Michigan Ave. has scores of men and women in their latest couture, preening themselves in their reflections in Macy's windows. Joggers on the pathways of the Lake, strollers by the scores. YUK! Oh, and don't forget the bicyclists, that break every law that was made for motorists and get away with it. That is our summer.
In the winter, we loose our individualism. Everyone looks the same. I was walking down the street today, trying my best to keep warm, when this person came up to me, smiling from ear to ear like a jackass, and I thought, 'Who the fuck are you?' Apparently she was glad to see me. I returned the smile and the greeting and then it dawned on me who she was. She was Jasmine's favorite waitress, and mine, from Morseland. That's what we all loose up here in the winter. I'm sorry, you could be wearing an Armani suit, but underneath an overcoat, scarves out the ying yang, and dorky little knit hats on our heads, who gives a shit!
So let me end this rank with...
Just because we have to layer ourselves up the wazoo, don't forget you are individuals, too. Splash some color on that grey coat. Wear a star spangled banner scarf. Nothing looks bad if you can throw a little red, white, and blue on it. Try it! You and your friends will be amazed. And, you'll feel better too! It'll help these long days of winter pass. And hopefully, they'll pass quickly!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Noise As A Distration
Dear Readers,
These next words are not my own, but I got this in my email today, and thought I should share it with all of you.
Noise as a Distraction
Our lives are typically filled with noise. There are the noises from the outside world that we cannot control, and there are the noises we allow into our lives. These noises, from seemingly innocuous sources like the television and radio, can actually help us avoid dealing with uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. However, using noise as a distraction hurts more than it helps because you are numbing yourself to what may be internally bubbling up to the surface for you to look at and heal. Distracting yourself with talk-radio, television, or other background noises can also prevent you from finding closure to issues that haunt you.
Noise as a distraction can affect us in many ways. It can help you stay numb to emotions that you don’t want to feel, allow you to avoid dealing with problems, distract you from having to think, and make it easier for you to forget reality. Drowning out the thoughts and emotions you find uncomfortable or overwhelming can complicate your issues because it allows them to fester. By tuning out noise and relishing silence, you create the space to experience and express what you are hiding. It is only then that self-exploration can begin in earnest and you can stare down frightening issues. In silence, it becomes easier to let your strongest feelings come forth, deal with them, and find new ways of resolving your problems.
When you go within without the veil of noise to shield you from yourself, you’ll be able to figure out what you need to heal. Embracing silence and introspection allows you to work through your thoughts and emotions and transmute them. Free of the need for noise, you can accept your pain, anger, and frustration as they come up and turn them into opportunities to evolve.
Peace.
These next words are not my own, but I got this in my email today, and thought I should share it with all of you.
Noise as a Distraction
Our lives are typically filled with noise. There are the noises from the outside world that we cannot control, and there are the noises we allow into our lives. These noises, from seemingly innocuous sources like the television and radio, can actually help us avoid dealing with uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. However, using noise as a distraction hurts more than it helps because you are numbing yourself to what may be internally bubbling up to the surface for you to look at and heal. Distracting yourself with talk-radio, television, or other background noises can also prevent you from finding closure to issues that haunt you.
Noise as a distraction can affect us in many ways. It can help you stay numb to emotions that you don’t want to feel, allow you to avoid dealing with problems, distract you from having to think, and make it easier for you to forget reality. Drowning out the thoughts and emotions you find uncomfortable or overwhelming can complicate your issues because it allows them to fester. By tuning out noise and relishing silence, you create the space to experience and express what you are hiding. It is only then that self-exploration can begin in earnest and you can stare down frightening issues. In silence, it becomes easier to let your strongest feelings come forth, deal with them, and find new ways of resolving your problems.
When you go within without the veil of noise to shield you from yourself, you’ll be able to figure out what you need to heal. Embracing silence and introspection allows you to work through your thoughts and emotions and transmute them. Free of the need for noise, you can accept your pain, anger, and frustration as they come up and turn them into opportunities to evolve.
Peace.
Ripplin'
Okay, I promised it in December and now that it's the new year, I'm gonna explain what this term actually means to me...
Ripplin', as I call it, is simply put, throwing a stone in a still, metaphorical, pond and watching the ripples go out and return to you. A simple, human gesture of kindness goes a long way. Take for example...
A lady at Sonny's Convenience Store was short $.25 for a pack of smokes. She was trying to explain, that if another clerk was there, he'd front them to her
and she'd pay him back when she had the money. I'm listening to the story play out, the whole time I'm searching my pockets for a quarter. I came up with 2 dimes and a nickel and quietly put them on the counter in front of her. She quickly turned around and exclaimed, 'Now I owe you a quarter!' I assured her, she didn't owe me a thing. I told her to pay it forward. Do something nice for another stranger. I told her, that quarter would come back to me and maybe, if my luck held out, doubled, as what I had given her. She looked bewildered, but thanked me and left the store. The guy behind the counter told me I was a very smart and nice man. I think that had to be the greatest compliment I've been given in a long time. Well, that quarter immediately came back to me when the clerk knocked 50 cents off my purchase. With a smile, he told me to have a blessed evening. At that moment, I knew the Goddess blessed me.
Another exanple...I was walking up the stairs of the Sheridan EL stop when I saw an elderly lady, behind me, struggling with her roller board getting it up the stairs. I walked back down the stairs, took her board and asked her to allow me. I walked very slowly up the stairs so she could keep up and when we reached the top and she seemed to be settled, but all of a sudden she looked very confused and disoriented. Then she said, 'Oh hun, I've made a terrible mistake. I'm supposed to be on the other side, going the other way!' She started to blush of embarressment as she spoke. I let go a boisterous laugh and I told her, 'Darlin' don't worry, I make the same mistake all the time. She smiled and told me, as the train was pulling up, for me to go on, that she could manage. I told her I wouldn't hear of it and there would always be another train. I picked up her bag and down the stairs we went, off to the other side. Once I saw she was all right, poof! She turned to say something to me, but I had already disappeared. When I returned to the other side, another train was pulling up for me and her train was already there. You can't imagine the wonderous feeling I got from that simple random act of kindness! This is the 2nd example of many ways of how I ripple throughout everyday of my life now.
The point is, I'm not writing all this to brag or be complimented by my readers, it's just to explain what I love to do the most. When I help out a stranger, the good feeling you give them is shown all over their faces. In turn, I get a very warm feeling inside me. I urge you to ry it yourself. You'll find that the waves you send out in that "pond" we call life, bounces off the opposing walls and returns to you many times over. Try it and see what happens.
Another good thing about this is, you hope that ripple is carried out, and it keeps going. Bouncing off wall after wall, person after person. I hope and pray that what I send out, keeps going. Paying forward. You do something nice for someone, randomly, and that person does something nice for someone else, and so on and so on.
Life is like a pond, so cause as many ripples as you can. You'll be surprised how many come back. Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year!
Peace!
Ripplin', as I call it, is simply put, throwing a stone in a still, metaphorical, pond and watching the ripples go out and return to you. A simple, human gesture of kindness goes a long way. Take for example...
A lady at Sonny's Convenience Store was short $.25 for a pack of smokes. She was trying to explain, that if another clerk was there, he'd front them to her
and she'd pay him back when she had the money. I'm listening to the story play out, the whole time I'm searching my pockets for a quarter. I came up with 2 dimes and a nickel and quietly put them on the counter in front of her. She quickly turned around and exclaimed, 'Now I owe you a quarter!' I assured her, she didn't owe me a thing. I told her to pay it forward. Do something nice for another stranger. I told her, that quarter would come back to me and maybe, if my luck held out, doubled, as what I had given her. She looked bewildered, but thanked me and left the store. The guy behind the counter told me I was a very smart and nice man. I think that had to be the greatest compliment I've been given in a long time. Well, that quarter immediately came back to me when the clerk knocked 50 cents off my purchase. With a smile, he told me to have a blessed evening. At that moment, I knew the Goddess blessed me.Another exanple...I was walking up the stairs of the Sheridan EL stop when I saw an elderly lady, behind me, struggling with her roller board getting it up the stairs. I walked back down the stairs, took her board and asked her to allow me. I walked very slowly up the stairs so she could keep up and when we reached the top and she seemed to be settled, but all of a sudden she looked very confused and disoriented. Then she said, 'Oh hun, I've made a terrible mistake. I'm supposed to be on the other side, going the other way!' She started to blush of embarressment as she spoke. I let go a boisterous laugh and I told her, 'Darlin' don't worry, I make the same mistake all the time. She smiled and told me, as the train was pulling up, for me to go on, that she could manage. I told her I wouldn't hear of it and there would always be another train. I picked up her bag and down the stairs we went, off to the other side. Once I saw she was all right, poof! She turned to say something to me, but I had already disappeared. When I returned to the other side, another train was pulling up for me and her train was already there. You can't imagine the wonderous feeling I got from that simple random act of kindness! This is the 2nd example of many ways of how I ripple throughout everyday of my life now.
The point is, I'm not writing all this to brag or be complimented by my readers, it's just to explain what I love to do the most. When I help out a stranger, the good feeling you give them is shown all over their faces. In turn, I get a very warm feeling inside me. I urge you to ry it yourself. You'll find that the waves you send out in that "pond" we call life, bounces off the opposing walls and returns to you many times over. Try it and see what happens.
Another good thing about this is, you hope that ripple is carried out, and it keeps going. Bouncing off wall after wall, person after person. I hope and pray that what I send out, keeps going. Paying forward. You do something nice for someone, randomly, and that person does something nice for someone else, and so on and so on.
Life is like a pond, so cause as many ripples as you can. You'll be surprised how many come back. Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year!
Peace!
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