Summer Has Finally Hit The "Big C!"

Yes, you read it right, summer is finally here. Its already hot, and humid, but that's part of the Magick of Chicago. Hot and humid days, leave cool and dreamy nights.

I just went for a walk, at 8:30 this evening, down to the Lake. Lots of folks still out there. Decibels ringing loud. The sun was setting, beautifully. And I, left to walk the sands of Lake Michigan alone. Don't feel sad, I needed the time. With me increasing my "Leather Family" and 2 camps at war, I needed a break. I called 1 of my boys to see if he wanted to walk with me, via the cell phone in my hand. He agreed. I see your faces, sitting there, a little on the puzzled side. 'Sir Bear with 2 boys?' And '2 camps at war?' 'What the f--k's going on?' Let me tell you...

1st, Ron and Art had a difference of opinion about Ron's benefit show at the Cell Block. Art pulled out at the last minute, leaving Ron without art to auction and a singer yet to perform. I felt so sorry for him, I told him that since I was already MC'ing, I could sing too. And, I got a friend to showcase his artwork. 'Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!' Everything worked out just fine. We've steered clear of Art ever since, and not said a bad word about or to him, until today when Ron cleaned his clock. Damn, I would have killed to have seen that performance! And he deserved every bit of it.

Artist of the Wall came and Art divided the camps. He said later there was so much tension in the air you could cut it with a knife. I was there too, and that feeling never arose from our camp. It was only in his. In ours, there was laughter, a little bondage between Daniel and Judith, LOL another long story, but lots of fun was had over the weekend. Memories I will cherish for a lifetime. Thank you V! And, there pouted Art. At least there was no screaming match this year between him and Steve, like this past year.

The 2nd boy arrived a couple of weeks ago. Ron told me quite flippantly that I was not his Sir, I was his Daddy. Maybe I could get the boys that were always following me around to call me Sir, is what he said. I did just that. I answered an email from a boy that lives very close to us. A timid, little 23 year old that I could just eat him up. He's absolutely hot, but his looks aren't what attracted me to him. I think it was his shyness and something else I quite haven't figured out, yet.

As I said, he's 23, HIV poz, but very healthy. He's busy looking for a job at the moment. Almost had 1 today. I could help him and use my influence, but something's telling me that he has to do this on his own. His name is Paul. WELCOME PAUL TO VANESSA'S KITCHEN TABLE!!! You, now are 1 of the characters I will write about. He's stolen my heart. I already care for him a great deal. He asked me right after we met if I would be his Sir. I was quite flattered and didn't know what to say. I asked if he needed an answer right then, or could I toss the idea around for a little bit. I've always wanted to be in a Leather Family and now I am. I woke him up the other morning and told him yes, that I would love the chance to be his Sir!

Now, I have a Master, a Mistress, a Lady, a Sir, and 2 boys in my family. I'm the Sir, Mike Zule is my Master, Joanne Gaddy is my Mistress, Kim Justice is my Lady, and Ron and Paul are my boys. 1 big happy fuckin' family. Beats the hell outta the 1 I left in Dallas. Pun intended. Now you're basically up to speed.

Tonight was another magickal night in Chicagoland. The air, by the Lake, was cool, but not crisp, a little humidity thrown in the mix, with the smell hotdogs and hamburgers were on the menu with the scent of Jasmine so thick, still it haunts my senses. Lightning Bugs everywhere lighting up your path. I remembered an old story my mom used to tell me about her as a young girl with fireflies. I'll tell you about it 1 day.

And there's good news. Jasmine's 30 year old son, Mike, from South Beach, has left the high life of that fast paced city, to settle with his mom in Chicago. I think its the sweetest thing I've ever seen. And he's hot!!!! Property values definitely went up when he moved in.

I can't tell you how much I still love this city and everyone in it. Some are a little quirkier than others, but everyone seems to like me, with the exception of Art. I won't loose any sleep over it. He's just a pebble caught on the bottom of my shoe, waiting to get picked off! I cherish my friends and love them intensely. I wouldn't have like this city as much without them. They have made my experience worth the trip.

Its after 11 and I have an early day tomorrow, I need to get going. Sleep tight my friends. I hope to see you all tomorrow. Good night loves.

With All The Love In My Heart,
Sir Bear Abbott
Illinois Leather Sir 2009

Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye to a friend is often a very difficult thing to do. And when you were not even consulted with, in the making of that decision to leave, it is even harder. But, when the Goddess herself calls you home, there's not a damn thing we can do about it or words to say to undo it. Its just done without anyone's permission.

Before we headed off to the Lake this past Sat. to paint, our heroin got the call she's been dreading to get. Her dear friend Clair was called home! She will be missed by her best friend and everyone that knew this remarkable woman. I never got the opportunity to meet this person of interest. She lived, to me, through the stories that Vanessa recounted.

Clair, if you're watching, Vanessa misses you! My love goes out to you, your family, and Vanessa. You will be missed, steady friend. Safe journey home girl. Save me a spot.

Love and Peaceful Journeys,
Sir Bear

Chicago's Break Out

After god-awful months of nothing but frozen temps, windchill, sleet, snow, blizzard, frost-bite, below 0, watching the heat escape from your back door, when you open it just to take peek. The fog billowing out of that door actually takes shape. It's amazing to watch, but absolutely horrible to experience.

If you've been following our story, wonderful Jasmine's phrase. coined here, about the "break out" in Chicago, where those of us that live here, come out of our caves and experience the world in which we live in. Spring/Summer is here. The experience is always marked by a party. Well, this weekend, it happen. Took fricking forever to get here, but this past weekend, Chicago Broke Out!!!

The "queen" of our circle, Vanessa, has been talking about this day since it was over last year. And, I'm so sure that when I see her later today, we'll be making plans for next year. But, the days couldn't get here soon enough. And finally, this past Saturday, "Artist of the Wall" came.

I have never witnessed Lady V, EVER, getting up before noon on a weekend. We were up and going at 8 in the morning and 3rd in line down at the beach to get registered, our name badges, ("We don't need no stinking badges"), and our paint.

The "gang" started arriving over time. I had my own square, #68, to paint as I saw fit, and V and her "helpers" painted her square, joining our 2 together. She was bound and determined to paint the "rainbow flag" to coincide with what I was painting. Mine was a tribute to California's PROP 8.

You know, I've never been ashamed of who and or what I am. All my friends know that I'm a gay, leatherman with HIV. No big deal. I don't throw who I am in your face. I am no longer a member of ACT UP. LOL This was the 1st time I told everyone, that passed in behind me, as I painted, 'Hey, look at me, I'm a big homo!' And, in big blue and white letters, I told all of Rogers Park, 'I'm GAY!!!' And, was never ashamed of it. I only had 1 bad reaction to it. Her nose crinkled up so bad, it was like she had smelled something foul. Probably her upper lip, but that was the only bad press. Others laughed at the saying I wrote. Other gays that walked past our squares, I saw their backs straighten with pride.

Enough politics. It was a weekend that I soon won't forget. The beating of the drums on Saturday afternoon. Beating so loud, it altered how your own heart beat. The music that arouse a couple of squares down was definitely gay dance music put on by another artist that was drawing "Stewie" from Family Guy. It was a plethora all different kinds of people down at the Lake. We're not just talking gay and str8. This went deeper than just sexual orientation. It was culture upon culture meeting together for a big party. Again, there are over 95 different languages spoken in Rogers Park daily. Over 95 different cultures are thrown into Chicago's best kept secret which is Rogers Park.

Thanks to our wonderful leader Vanessa, we had a wonderful, pretty much drama free, fantastic, fabulous, outstanding, eye opening, eye popping, sun baked, awe inspiring, groove thang shaking, muther humping, hell of a good time this past weekend. May I propose a toast to the hostess with the mostest, our LADY V. Lift your glasses and your doobies high. CHEERS GIRL! We had a blast, and it was had because of your love for fun and family that made it all possible. Again, thank you Nessa, you are the one!!!

Just because this past weekend is over, doesn't mean the party is, too. This coming weekend is, PRIDE WEEKEND!!! Rinse out your rainbow hankies and let's boogy to the beat of a different drummer on N. Halsted. Stay tuned...

Peace!
Sir Bear Abbott

LEATHER - YES SIR!

Ron, and yours truly, just spent this last weekend in Cleveland attending C.L.A.W. Cleveland Leather Awareness Weekend. Mercy, what a ball we had. Not only did the host hotel sell out, but the event took over another hotel down the street. That's where we stayed, the Embassy Suites.
Was it ever. We've lived in smaller apartments than what the size of this room was. Huge living, a separate bedroom, both having flat-screen TV's in them. And, a bathroom, I know, that had its own zip code.

We left Harley in the hands of our Kitchen Table leader. Its gonna take weeks to undo what she did. He always comes back even more spoiled than he was when he was handed over. That dog. To have his life...sigh! LOL

We made lots of new friends from across the country. I've never seen so many "sash queens" in my whole life. And the 2 of us just made two more to add to the mix. He's going for IML, I'm heading for GLLSb in Indianapolis. Great Lakes Leather Sir/boy.

As you can tell, I haven't been writing like I should, so the time in between C.L.A.W., IML, and the present, has been vast. So let's try to catch you up...

Ron and I checked into the Hilton Hotel, downtown Chicago, a couple of weeks ago. Ron did very well but did not place in the top 20, out of 54 contestants. A dude from Dallas, Texas won! But he was happy just the same. I've never been more proud of him! Now we are working on my next competition.

Ron brought with him, on his last visit home, a horrible cough. The hillbilly still does not know how to keep his cough to himself. He infected Jasmine's, Vanessa's, and our house with it. I took it the worst out of all of us. A couple of days ago, I thought I was dying. The next day, I was even praying for it. I've never been so miserable. He brought me some OTC medicine yesterday that seemed to be doing the trick.

Okay, with that all said and done, here's what's coming up...

Next weekend is Rogers Park's, "Artists of the Wall." We've even open our squares up to Jasmine's son, Mike. He's the only real artist of the group. It should be a drunken, stoned, hilarious event, just like it was last year. We're praying for good weather.

Today the weather sucks. Cold and rainy. But tomorrow promises sun and 75 degrees. Summer has still not hit the Big C yet, and here it is mid June? It feels more like Fall. But hey, it could be worse. I could still live back in Texas whereas today its supposed to be 100 degrees. No thank you!

So, now I believe you are caught up. Not much worth writing about, but when it comes up, you can make sure you'll read about it. A special "HEY," goes out to Anna. Hope all is well with you honey! Talk to y'all soon.

Peace!
Sir Bear Abbott
Illinois Leather Sir 2009

Losing Your Best Friend

My best friend has left me. We were together for 14 years and now she's gone.

As of March 10, 2009, Pyawacet took her final breath and departed. I know this was the best thing for her, no more pain, diarrhea, no more vomiting, but what she left behind is a man with a broken heart. Readers, I don't know how I'm gonna make it thru this. Everywhere I turn, in my house, in my neighborhood, I see her.

No more will I hear her "barking" for breakfast or for dinner. No more will I feel her curl up in my lap and softly purr. No more will I feel the joy of the excitement she created when I walked in the front door.

I told her, before she drew her last breath, not to go into the light, wait for me, because in a blink of her eye, I will be there. In real time on Earth, I told her it would be a couple of years and then I would join her. She, and my dog Gretchen, the 3 of us will walk into the Light together and play like there's gonna be no tomorrow. Which, there won't be. Only today. But still, there's memory of me seeing the Light and being told its not my time yet, that I had something very important to do before I could return. Maybe this is it...

I'm lost. I don't know where to turn, what to do next? I wanted so badly to call into work last night and say I wasn't coming in. Everyone there already knew what I had gone thru the day before. I told 1 person and now all of Chicago knows.

I went to work to go out in the field to "test." I had 2 people that wanted to take the test. 1st 1 was fine. The 2nd 1, not so fine. There was this man that I had just given a life altering sentence to, and all he asked for was a hug. The towel, that he was wearing, slipped off and there I was holding, very tightly, a naked man. Neither of us cared.

As we sat on the couch and talked, he told me that he didn't want to come in because he thought he already knew the answer. But, he had had this dream the night before and I was in it. He said this man looked exactly like me and even spoke with the deep, soothing voice I have. He said it was me soon as he saw me. So he knew his dream was coming true.

This driving force made me go to work. I had no idea, until I told this guy he was "positive!" Then I was quite certain why I had to come into work. Just to be there for this man. And I'll be there again for him on Friday where I will see him at the office.

When I started this, it was this morning. Since then I have seen the eye doc and my therapist. I didn't know I had it in me to make a therapist cry, but I did. She asked me if it was in Pyawacet's best interest to keep her earth bound? I guess not.

As soon as I got home, I fired up my Shaman drum to help her on her way. While I was drumming, a blasted cat jumped on the bed and then walked over to me and nudged the drum. My hand moved with it. I opened my eyes and there was no cat. Nothing. I knew then it was Py saying goodbye.This makes twice I've had to say goodbye. Before she left, she left me know that, when it was my time, she'll be back to walk me home! Goddess, be with my girl, I'll be there soon.

I love you Pyawacet!

Peace

Hard Lessons Learned

We all have days from time to time when it feels like the world is against us or that the chaos we are experiencing will never end. One negative circumstance seems to lead to another. You may wonder, on a bad day, whether anything in your life will ever go right again. But a bad day, like any other day, can be a gift. Having a bad day can show you that it is time to slow down, change course, or lighten up. A bad day can help you glean wisdom you might otherwise have overlooked or discounted. Bad days can certainly cause you to experience uncomfortable feelings you would prefer to avoid, yet a bad day may also give you a potent means to learn about yourself.

You may consider a bad day to be one where you’ve missing an important meeting because your car stalled, the damn bus driver passed you again standing on the corner, the EL just pulled away from the stop, and you received a piece of very bad news earlier in the morning. Multiple misfortunes that take place one after the other can leave us feeling vulnerable and intensely cognizant of our fragility. But bad days can only have a long-term negative effect on us if we let them. It is better to ask yourself what you can learn from these kinds of days. The state of your bad day may be an indicator that you need to stay in and hibernate or let go of your growing negativity. Bad days contribute to the people we become. Though we may feel discouraged and distressed on our bad days, a bad day can teach us patience and perseverance.

It is important to remember that your attitude drives your destiny and that one negative experience does not have to be the beginning of an ongoing stroke of bad luck. A bad day is memorable because it is one day among many good days – otherwise, we wouldn’t even bother to acknowledge it as a bad day. Know too, that everybody has bad days, you are not alone, the world is not against you. Tomorrow is guaranteed to be a brighter day. Might be raining or snowing, but I promise, tomorrow will be a better day.

Peace Out!
Sir Bear of Chicago

Spring?

Okay, enough is enough with the fuckin' snow. I've had it! When is it ever gonna be Spring? Does this thing actually exist? Or, is it just another Hallmark moment you have to buy another frickin' card for? Spring, you know the thing that is supposed to start after winter's chill is done for another year? Those of us that are in the "deep freeze" would love to know when that day is?

I want to see muli-colors on the ground and in the trees. The color of white, yellow in the snow, brown, and or black is driving this Southerner out of his cotton pickin' mind! (Pardon the pun Vanessa! No offense, okay? LOL)

I mean really, is it too much to ask for just a couple of days in the 50's to give us a taste of what, maybe Australia is going thru right this very second? (Hold the fires!) Instead, we get our weather sent to us via the Polar Ice Caps!

We want an end to this dreaded freeze that when you walk out your front door, instantly your moustache, for those of us who can grow 1, freezes stiff on your face like what Viagra does to your pecker. I mean come on, this is ridiculous. Its been cold ever since, what, Halloween? That was 4 months ago. I remember in school when we studied the seasons of the year, that each season lasted 3 months. Now we're going on 5 this winter? Give us a break!

Last spring was so wonderful. It was my 1st one here. It was almost like someone flipping a switch. Jasmine swears that we don't have a spring. But, I vaguely remember 1 happening. I might be a stoner, but get real! The trees started budding, stalks of green came bursting up thru the ground that led to an array of colorful things attached to them. I mean, it was still cool. You couldn't rip of your shirts and dive into Lake Michigan. Who wants to anyway? YUK! But it was there, I know it was.

But, for now, we're stuck in frozen hell somewhere in between frost bite, and shivering to death. My teeth still chatter when I'm awakened in the middle of the night when nature calls. I have to put on a robe, dash to the bathroom and by the time every thing's done, in the cold, I'm wide awake with nothing to do. Many a night, I would just lay in bed and then after an hour or so, say, 'Fuck it!,' and come out here in the living room and fire up my computer, trying to get warmth from the hard drive. LOL

I want to see kites in the air, like I wrote about before. Dogs barking, children playing "Tag." The drums beating high above the laughter of adults playing in the water at the beach. The sight of sun worshipers, bicycles whooshing past you, roller bladers, animals doing what comes naturally in the spring. I want to do that, too! People down at the Lake looking for that special stone in the water.

Is all of the above just too much to ask for? Or am I just pissing in the wind, or out the back window of a station wagon? Someone's gonna get wet, and I'm afraid that someone is gonna be me. Is there something we can due to usher in what we all want? Please Goddess, hear our cries! SEND US SPRING!

Affectionately,
Sir Bear of Chicago