ITS HERE!

Sad but very true, Fall is upon us. The wind has shifted in a nasty direction, rain is falling out of the sky, like tears from a sobbing baby. And soon, the precipitation will be taking on a lighter shade of white.

I've noticed that restaurants are dragging in their outdoor tables and chairs. Citizens are bringing in their plants from their back porches and steps leading up to their front doors. The city is getting ready to hang a "Gone Ice Fishing" sign in all the windows along Clark and Halsted streets.

I've also noticed people digging in their closets and dusting off their sweaters, which really didn't have long to stay in storage, if they even made it that far. I have had a hoodie stretched out over my foot board since spring, because it never really got that hot. It was cold in July. WE HAD NO SUMMER!

And now, here we are bracing for the worst. Winter is just about on top of us. I still haven't drug out the head gear yet, but I know in my heart, it's just a matter of time. Time? Where did the summer go???

The "Sand Nazis" are long gone. The chairs in which they monitored our beaches have since been removed. Only thing left is to dig up the beach to keep erosion down to a minimum during the winter and frozen months ahead.

Seven more months of cold. Can ya' believe it? This weather is not for the weak of heart or the brave-less companion of fear. Here, I'm still spring cleaning, and now it's time to close the windows, barricade the doors, and hang my own sign "Closed for the Winter! GO AWAY!!!"

And on that lovely note, I need to bundle up, brave the cold, wind, and rain, making my way home as swiftly as I can!

Peace and
Blessed Be!

CRAP! FALL IS HERE!

Well, you heard it here 1st. Fall is officially here. Two days ago, we were experiencing 80 degree weather. Then in about 12 hours, a huge thunderstorm, that came out of nowhere, and BOOM, violent thunder, lightning, and a tornado later, here we are, in the middle of fall.

Leaves are turning, orange, red, crimson, and yellow, falling peacefully down off saddened trees. collecting in perfect little circles of color, appearing at their trunks. Oh fall! As I said earlier, I have wrapped up summer so tight in my body, just holding on to it to keep me warm when the bitter, cold wind starts to blow!

Fall. Time for grey clouds, cold wind, plants that littered countless back porches this past spring and summer, to be brought in against the onslaught of temperatures dropping. And the nasty little squirrels that have been going nuttz. Pardon the pun. By their activity, you know a bad winter is just around the corner. But, I digress...

Fall is a magically time for smells of pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg, spice, cakes, pies, cookies, and candles. A time for family and friends. Gatherings, children, young and old. The tinkling sound of punch glasses being raised in a toast. Laughter. Music. Sweaters, hoodies, leather, mittens, gloves, scarves, trench coats.

All the above images are put into your mind for, when you think, you've just about had enough, read this again and maybe you will feel the the warmth in the spirit, in which it was written!

Peace and Blessed Be!

Bear

Why?

Why does summer have to end?

In all its spectacular color, why does fall have to begin?

Why do we, as adults, see Fall leaves, piled on the ground, revert to being a kid, and kick them up in the air as high as we can? Or, am I the only one that does that? LOL

Why do we go on when we know one day it will all end?

Why is that you die and are sent to wonderful, pain free, love filled existence, then are sent back home where pain abounds?

Why do they say that lightning never strikes twice in the same place, when it does?

Why do we love, just to get our hearts broken?

Why do we reach out to help others, only to have people question the method we used to reach out?

Why do we adopt pets knowing that we will probably out live them, and turn around and do it all over again?

It's very humid out today, but there is definitely a chill in the air. Makes me feel a little bummed out, knowing what is around the corner. Back home, in Dallas, there still experiencing 90 degree plus temps with unbearable, every pun intended, humidity. Shirt soaking weather. And, you wonder why do people still live there?

I was watching the squirrels in our neighborhood for the last couple of days. I've learned to judge how bad the winter is going to be by their activity. The squirrels are going crazy!!! All my plants, but one, have been moved in doors. The last will find a home in Ron's room when I get back this afternoon. There is so much dirt on my back porch from those little bastards, digging in all my potted plants, throwing one, that I had just planted, three floors down. It didn't commit suicide, it was pure murder! Why would a squirrel want to harm one of my plants???

When tears are made from you own body, why do they burn when you cry?

Why does the sunrise look different from sunset?

Just a lot of random unanswered questions that run thru my mind on a daily basis, that I pray made you stop and think. Most people would say I'm crazy. Why?

Great Lakes Leather Sir/boy and the End Of Summer

Yes, you guessed it. I won Great Lakes Leather Sir 2010.

My speech blew the judges and crowd away. My fantasy, I was told was the most violent and the most erotic, stated 1 judge, he has ever seen before. Jock was, well, it was there. And when the winner was announced, I didn't hear it. I looked at the other 2 contestants, with applause roaring, and they were clapping looking at me. Everyone was clapping looking at me. I WON!!! I can't fucking believe it.

I had a great weekend. And, not just because I won, either. I met a lot of very nice people. A lot of them will travel thru my life with me. Others are just memories of a wonderful weekend. Ron bought me my 1st flogger. I have yet to put it to use.

Okay, with that news out of the way, here's what's going on today...

I noticed a couple of days ago, that the leaves are starting to turn and I also saw some fall to the ground from their branches. My instant reaction was FUCK, WINTER'S COMING!!!ARG!!! The days are getting shorter. We never really had a summer. So, I've been creating my days around the beach. The more sun I get, the more tan I stay thru the winter's war!

The place that I volunteer at, Test Positive Aware Network, has asked me to be on the Board of Directors. Bill, aka "The Chicken Lady," pulled me into his office with the news. I was overwhelmed. My eyes started burning as tears rolled down my face. I love this place and I love what I'm allowed to do. I love giving HIV tests with happy endings. I haven't given a positive test in months. Now that I said something, you know damn well that I'll give one.

The new Executive Director, Bruce, brings his dog, Ema, with him to work. She's great fun. I roll in the floor with her, and chase her thru the building. I usually bring her dog treats when I come to work, but I forgot today and she was so pissed. She bit me. Not hard, but none the less, she struck like a python. I told her I would bring double her order tomorrow. Didn't make her feel bad about biting me, but it did seem to appease her.

So that is my summer. I win Illinois Leather Sir 2009 in late February. Great Lakes Leather Sir 2010, in August, and now I'm sitting on the Board of an expanding HIV facility.

And here again, sad but true, its the 18th of September. Fall is just the next door down the hall. Very soon that door will open. No Jasmine in the air. Soon to be replaced by the scent of cinnamon and nutmeg. Turkey, pumpkin pies. Soups and chicken and dumplings. Don't get me wrong, I love those smells. It just means my wonderful summer is over. The laughter, skate boarders, kites so high up, they nearly reach the gods. Drums beating by the Lake. Music, bonfires, movies in the park. Artists of the Wall. Friends. Waves crashing on the shore, rearranging the rocks that reside there. These are the things that "center" me.

So, I will take these feelings of my summer, wrap them tightly up inside me, to keep me warm thru the dreaded cold. Until once again, when I can open up and release the butterfly that is spring.

Summer Has Finally Hit The "Big C!"

Yes, you read it right, summer is finally here. Its already hot, and humid, but that's part of the Magick of Chicago. Hot and humid days, leave cool and dreamy nights.

I just went for a walk, at 8:30 this evening, down to the Lake. Lots of folks still out there. Decibels ringing loud. The sun was setting, beautifully. And I, left to walk the sands of Lake Michigan alone. Don't feel sad, I needed the time. With me increasing my "Leather Family" and 2 camps at war, I needed a break. I called 1 of my boys to see if he wanted to walk with me, via the cell phone in my hand. He agreed. I see your faces, sitting there, a little on the puzzled side. 'Sir Bear with 2 boys?' And '2 camps at war?' 'What the f--k's going on?' Let me tell you...

1st, Ron and Art had a difference of opinion about Ron's benefit show at the Cell Block. Art pulled out at the last minute, leaving Ron without art to auction and a singer yet to perform. I felt so sorry for him, I told him that since I was already MC'ing, I could sing too. And, I got a friend to showcase his artwork. 'Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!' Everything worked out just fine. We've steered clear of Art ever since, and not said a bad word about or to him, until today when Ron cleaned his clock. Damn, I would have killed to have seen that performance! And he deserved every bit of it.

Artist of the Wall came and Art divided the camps. He said later there was so much tension in the air you could cut it with a knife. I was there too, and that feeling never arose from our camp. It was only in his. In ours, there was laughter, a little bondage between Daniel and Judith, LOL another long story, but lots of fun was had over the weekend. Memories I will cherish for a lifetime. Thank you V! And, there pouted Art. At least there was no screaming match this year between him and Steve, like this past year.

The 2nd boy arrived a couple of weeks ago. Ron told me quite flippantly that I was not his Sir, I was his Daddy. Maybe I could get the boys that were always following me around to call me Sir, is what he said. I did just that. I answered an email from a boy that lives very close to us. A timid, little 23 year old that I could just eat him up. He's absolutely hot, but his looks aren't what attracted me to him. I think it was his shyness and something else I quite haven't figured out, yet.

As I said, he's 23, HIV poz, but very healthy. He's busy looking for a job at the moment. Almost had 1 today. I could help him and use my influence, but something's telling me that he has to do this on his own. His name is Paul. WELCOME PAUL TO VANESSA'S KITCHEN TABLE!!! You, now are 1 of the characters I will write about. He's stolen my heart. I already care for him a great deal. He asked me right after we met if I would be his Sir. I was quite flattered and didn't know what to say. I asked if he needed an answer right then, or could I toss the idea around for a little bit. I've always wanted to be in a Leather Family and now I am. I woke him up the other morning and told him yes, that I would love the chance to be his Sir!

Now, I have a Master, a Mistress, a Lady, a Sir, and 2 boys in my family. I'm the Sir, Mike Zule is my Master, Joanne Gaddy is my Mistress, Kim Justice is my Lady, and Ron and Paul are my boys. 1 big happy fuckin' family. Beats the hell outta the 1 I left in Dallas. Pun intended. Now you're basically up to speed.

Tonight was another magickal night in Chicagoland. The air, by the Lake, was cool, but not crisp, a little humidity thrown in the mix, with the smell hotdogs and hamburgers were on the menu with the scent of Jasmine so thick, still it haunts my senses. Lightning Bugs everywhere lighting up your path. I remembered an old story my mom used to tell me about her as a young girl with fireflies. I'll tell you about it 1 day.

And there's good news. Jasmine's 30 year old son, Mike, from South Beach, has left the high life of that fast paced city, to settle with his mom in Chicago. I think its the sweetest thing I've ever seen. And he's hot!!!! Property values definitely went up when he moved in.

I can't tell you how much I still love this city and everyone in it. Some are a little quirkier than others, but everyone seems to like me, with the exception of Art. I won't loose any sleep over it. He's just a pebble caught on the bottom of my shoe, waiting to get picked off! I cherish my friends and love them intensely. I wouldn't have like this city as much without them. They have made my experience worth the trip.

Its after 11 and I have an early day tomorrow, I need to get going. Sleep tight my friends. I hope to see you all tomorrow. Good night loves.

With All The Love In My Heart,
Sir Bear Abbott
Illinois Leather Sir 2009

Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye to a friend is often a very difficult thing to do. And when you were not even consulted with, in the making of that decision to leave, it is even harder. But, when the Goddess herself calls you home, there's not a damn thing we can do about it or words to say to undo it. Its just done without anyone's permission.

Before we headed off to the Lake this past Sat. to paint, our heroin got the call she's been dreading to get. Her dear friend Clair was called home! She will be missed by her best friend and everyone that knew this remarkable woman. I never got the opportunity to meet this person of interest. She lived, to me, through the stories that Vanessa recounted.

Clair, if you're watching, Vanessa misses you! My love goes out to you, your family, and Vanessa. You will be missed, steady friend. Safe journey home girl. Save me a spot.

Love and Peaceful Journeys,
Sir Bear

Chicago's Break Out

After god-awful months of nothing but frozen temps, windchill, sleet, snow, blizzard, frost-bite, below 0, watching the heat escape from your back door, when you open it just to take peek. The fog billowing out of that door actually takes shape. It's amazing to watch, but absolutely horrible to experience.

If you've been following our story, wonderful Jasmine's phrase. coined here, about the "break out" in Chicago, where those of us that live here, come out of our caves and experience the world in which we live in. Spring/Summer is here. The experience is always marked by a party. Well, this weekend, it happen. Took fricking forever to get here, but this past weekend, Chicago Broke Out!!!

The "queen" of our circle, Vanessa, has been talking about this day since it was over last year. And, I'm so sure that when I see her later today, we'll be making plans for next year. But, the days couldn't get here soon enough. And finally, this past Saturday, "Artist of the Wall" came.

I have never witnessed Lady V, EVER, getting up before noon on a weekend. We were up and going at 8 in the morning and 3rd in line down at the beach to get registered, our name badges, ("We don't need no stinking badges"), and our paint.

The "gang" started arriving over time. I had my own square, #68, to paint as I saw fit, and V and her "helpers" painted her square, joining our 2 together. She was bound and determined to paint the "rainbow flag" to coincide with what I was painting. Mine was a tribute to California's PROP 8.

You know, I've never been ashamed of who and or what I am. All my friends know that I'm a gay, leatherman with HIV. No big deal. I don't throw who I am in your face. I am no longer a member of ACT UP. LOL This was the 1st time I told everyone, that passed in behind me, as I painted, 'Hey, look at me, I'm a big homo!' And, in big blue and white letters, I told all of Rogers Park, 'I'm GAY!!!' And, was never ashamed of it. I only had 1 bad reaction to it. Her nose crinkled up so bad, it was like she had smelled something foul. Probably her upper lip, but that was the only bad press. Others laughed at the saying I wrote. Other gays that walked past our squares, I saw their backs straighten with pride.

Enough politics. It was a weekend that I soon won't forget. The beating of the drums on Saturday afternoon. Beating so loud, it altered how your own heart beat. The music that arouse a couple of squares down was definitely gay dance music put on by another artist that was drawing "Stewie" from Family Guy. It was a plethora all different kinds of people down at the Lake. We're not just talking gay and str8. This went deeper than just sexual orientation. It was culture upon culture meeting together for a big party. Again, there are over 95 different languages spoken in Rogers Park daily. Over 95 different cultures are thrown into Chicago's best kept secret which is Rogers Park.

Thanks to our wonderful leader Vanessa, we had a wonderful, pretty much drama free, fantastic, fabulous, outstanding, eye opening, eye popping, sun baked, awe inspiring, groove thang shaking, muther humping, hell of a good time this past weekend. May I propose a toast to the hostess with the mostest, our LADY V. Lift your glasses and your doobies high. CHEERS GIRL! We had a blast, and it was had because of your love for fun and family that made it all possible. Again, thank you Nessa, you are the one!!!

Just because this past weekend is over, doesn't mean the party is, too. This coming weekend is, PRIDE WEEKEND!!! Rinse out your rainbow hankies and let's boogy to the beat of a different drummer on N. Halsted. Stay tuned...

Peace!
Sir Bear Abbott